Draky
by Tictac7
Summary: HPDM. Rated for later chapters. Draco wants what every guy wants, but Harry is a little reluctant. Sweet and angsty.
1. Denied Desires

"Malfoy!" growled a brutal, venomous voice. Draco shuddered and squirmed uncomfortably in his loose fitting robes. He could feel the anger vibrating off Snape's body, like flames trickling up his legs. "Where are you going?"  
  
"To see a friend," Draco said coolly.  
  
"A friend? Outside of Slytherin? Who?" Snape snapped sceptically.  
  
"I don't see why it concerns you," Draco said, his tone calm.  
  
"Your father told me, gave me direct instructions, to keep an eye, or both if possible, on his, and I quote 'troublesome, rule-ignoring son'."  
  
"I'm not troublesome!"  
  
"All right, his deliberately difficult son," Snape barked. Yeah, alright. That one I'll give you, Draco thought, smiling inside, but keeping his scowl on his face.  
  
"I'm going to see Harry, if you really must know."  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Yes, Harry. God, you must know him. He's a little famous. You know, the one with black hair, glasses, a scar on his forehead, quite talented at Quidditch and he has-," Draco said exasperatedly. Snape cut him off, which was probably best because the next thing Draco was going to say was 'the hottest body around.' Probably an opinion I should keep to myself, he thought, while Snape lectured him.  
  
"That boy is trouble for you. You father told me about your getting cursed on the train sometime ago. If you wish to get yourself into hot water, far be it for me to prevent it. However, you should know what is best for yourself. You should avoid him at all costs."  
  
"Are you sure about that?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Perhaps you don't know the meaning of the word, but I did say friend! We are friends, Harry and I. He's not going to curse me unless I give him good reason."  
  
"Friends?"  
  
"Yes. Obviously you are unfamiliar with friends. They are those people you turn to when you are sad!"  
  
"Sad?" The puzzlement in Snape's voice was most comical.  
  
"Yes, sad. Well done," Draco grumbled. Snape's lip curled.  
  
"Malfoy!" The word was filled with threat, threat that Draco ignored. He knew Snape would not do anything to him, for fear of the wraith of Lucious.  
  
"What's with the one word sentences?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"May I go?"  
  
"Fine then, go on. But don't expect me to defend you if you do get cursed."  
  
"I won't get cursed and if I do, for some obscure reason, I won't come to you." Draco stomped away, seething. He was supposed to meet Harry ages ago. Stupid meddling teachers!  
  
With a cheeky smile, Draco reminded himself that Harry would not be leaving their meeting place. There was not a chance of Harry leaving, no matter how late Draco was. They met once a week, same time, same place. Any other meeting was unplanned and usually painfully short. However, this meeting, every Friday at 8 o'clock, was everything but short.  
  
***  
  
"Draco. You are usually here before me. What kept you?" Harry asked in a voice so calm it made Draco nervous.  
  
Draco watching him a moment, standing in the centre of the derelict classroom once used for charms classes, before a student decided to show how clever they were by creating an irreversible charm on the room that prevented anyone over the age of eighteen from entering. Harry and Draco always met here, coz no one else used it. Unruly hair poked up all over Harry's head, one piece fallen to cover Harry's scar. Draco longed to put that piece of hair back so he could see the scar, odd as it seemed.  
  
He loved every part of Harry, especially the parts of him that made him Harry Potter, the boy who lived. The fact that Draco and Harry were so wrong for each other, yet still so in love made Draco feel so privileged. He had Harry all to himself, despite them knowing it was completely wrong. For instance, Harry's eyes, so pure they almost radiated innocence; no one could resistance falling under Harry's spell. Those eyes were too pure for Draco, he didn't deserve to see them looking at him, filled with love and longing. But he would never give them up. Desire almost felling him, he stepped forward a few strides, then paused. He was prolonging the moment of connection to tease himself. He knew this would make the actual moment ten times better than if it happened immediately.  
  
"It was Snape, that arse."  
  
"Oh, Draky," Harry sighed. Draco snorted.  
  
"That's the most pathetic thing you could ever call me," He commented ruthlessly. Harry grinned. Draco stepped closer to him, drawn in by that smile. Still, somehow, he kept himself under control.  
  
"I know. I don't care. You're mine, I can call you whatever I want. And just so you know, Snape may be an arse, but the only arse I'm interested in- ," he winked, forcing Draco to draw even closer, despite his wishes to lengthen the moment, "-is yours."  
  
Finally Draco couldn't help himself and he closed the already small space between him and Harry. He leant forward into the Gryffindor's arms, and they rested their foreheads together, grinning at Harry's half-joke. Slowly, the rise of anger Snape had brought onto Draco fell away, replaced with sweet, gentle, surging love. Harry was staring into his eyes, transfixed.  
  
"Since when am I yours?" Draco asked softly, tormenting Harry.  
  
"Since always," Harry murmured. Then, Harry's soft, supple lips fell open slightly, and his eyelids flickered shut. Draco knew what Harry wanted, and what he, himself, wanted. Bowing to the temptation that Harry's open mouth filled him with, Draco gently attached his curved, thin lips to Harry's full, perfect ones. Harry exhaled through his nose, the warm air tickling Draco's face. He grinned into the kiss, and then surreptitiously slipped his tongue into Harry's waiting mouth. A moan rose from Harry's throat and Draco responded by forcing the other boy to walk backwards until he was pressed up again the wall behind him.  
  
For a few moments the passionate kiss raged like fire, until Draco pulled away unannounced. Harry's reaction was delayed; his eyes remained closed momentarily and his mouth open. Then he shook himself and watched Draco striding away from him. Draco was pacing the room, feeling the heat and wishing to connect with Harry again.  
  
"What's up, babe?" Harry asked.  
  
He had only been the one in Draco's arms for five weeks, not anywhere near long enough, and not once before had Draco been the one to pull away from a kiss. Draco wanted him; Harry knew that. He wanted more than Harry was prepared to give yet. It was not that Harry didn't want to; he was just scared. Still, he leaned against the wall, nonplussed. He had the upper hand, knowing Draco was wrapped around his little finger. All it took was one lick of his lips and Draco would be back in his arms.  
  
"I. I'm sorry Harry. You are the sexiest thing I've ever known to exist. And you just torment me like this. I have to say it's cruel," Draco said as though it hurt, but on some strange level, he enjoyed this whole idea of Harry's innocence, this game of cat and mouse. Well, to a certain extent.  
  
"I'm sorry too, sugar." Draco suppressed a laugh. Oh Harry and these stupid pet names. So ridiculous, so cute. So Harry. "I just can't. you know that I would, but I'm afraid," Harry said, hardly noticing the seductive note in his own voice. Draco sighed in pleasure.  
  
"I know, I know, I know. I would love to say I respect your decision because I love you, but I don't. I hate your decision because I love you. I love you and I think you love me-."  
  
"I do."  
  
"-so I want to share something more than a kiss with you." He paused. "But I will wait. You know that you have me just where you want me," Draco said just what he felt, and he knew it was true. All these things he saw in Harry's eyes. His satisfaction, and his fear, was sheer in those green eyes. Harry attempted to grin in a puzzled way. Draco snorted and shook his head. "Don't bother trying to hide it, Harry."  
  
"What?" Harry said bluntly.  
  
"I can see it in your eyes. Every time I look in your eyes, it's dancing around singing 'I've got you, I've got you.' You're terribly cruel to me." However, Draco's face was split into a wide smile at the fake confusion on Harry's face. His voice was strong and cheerful, showing that he oddly enjoyed this pursuit.  
  
"And yet, no matter what, you won't be able to force me, right? You wouldn't dream of coercing me into it. You can't bear the thought of making me do anything I don't want to do. I see that in your eyes. Your beautiful grey eyes." Harry winked knowledgeably and tapped the side of his nose.  
  
"You know me too well. To be honest, I don't being known, not even you. I can't help it. It scares me to know you know me." Draco's tone turned more apprehensive and serious. His smile all but disappeared. He didn't like this part of the relationship. He didn't like the thought of anyone knowing his mind the way Harry did. It was spooky that Harry, being so pure, could ever know someone who was completely the opposite of them so well.  
  
"Then we're even, huh? You are scared about me knowing you, and I'm scared of. that." Draco breathed out in an exclamation of amused frustration, his smile returning, bright and cheery.  
  
"God you're naïve!" He burst out, his smile incredulous.  
  
"Huh?" Harry said blankly.  
  
"Say it, damn it. Just say it!" Draco begged desperately.  
  
"Say what?" Harry grinned, faking bamboozlement.  
  
"SEX! You always avoid that word. It isn't a disease, Harry. And how can you expect to one day do it with me if you cant even say the damn word?" Harry giggled nervously, like a schoolgirl. "Oh, you are so adolescent!" Though he felt the truth in these words, Harry could see Draco was toying with him.  
  
"What else do you expect of an adolescent?"  
  
"You still haven't said it," Draco reminded him casually.  
  
"Fine. sex. Satisfied?"  
  
"My appetite is merely momentarily satiated. I still know what I want, but can't have." Draco's voice failed to remain playful, and a new tone was injected to it- his last sentence dripped thick with yearning.  
  
Harry felt it was time for a break off conversation. Patiently waiting until Draco was watching his face, Harry evocatively slicked his tongue across his top lip. Draco moaned in desire and crossed the room at the speed of light, pouncing onto his boyfriend. Harry felt Draco's petit body pressing against his, and they stared into each other's eyes, captivated, before dropping to the ground in a soulful, devouring kiss. Harry felt like he could just kiss Draco forever and ever and a day. Draco knew that he couldn't. He loved Harry, but kissing was not enough to make that love really real. He wanted more, a true chance to show Harry how he felt about him.  
  
'Damn fear! It ruins everything. My relationship with Harry; my life; Harry's life; the world. Everything is feared, even peace and love. And sex. Oh, sex with Harry,' Draco thought. 'How can he fear something so superbly desirable?'  
  
However, Harry, as usual, was right. Draco could never do anything until Harry wanted him to. Deep though his lust for Harry was, Draco could do nothing against Harry's will, nothing that might hurt the righteousness of Harry. As deep as his lust was, deeper still was his love by many leagues.  
  
***  
  
Later on, after the kiss had gone for so long it lost its flare for a few moments, they sat side by, leaning against the wall. Harry was calm, his face a little flushed, as he stretched his legs out and slumped his shoulders. On the other hand, Draco was flushed and had his arms wrapped around his legs, holding them close to him so his chin rested upon his knees. Draco kept flashing glances at Harry, who stared nonchalantly into space, thinking deeply about Draco's desires.  
  
"Harry," Draco said tensely after a few moments. Harry turned his head and stared at the once again pallid boy he loved.  
  
"What?" Harry asked, still half lost in thought.  
  
"How long do you think I have to wait till you're ready?" he asked tentatively. Harry groaned and pouted. "I'm sorry, but I'm only asking. I don't mean to press the subject, but I want to know."  
  
"Sorry." There was a pause. "I honestly don't know Draco. I don't get it, seriously. I love you, I really truly love you but it's so scary to think about it."  
  
"Oh, alright. Then don't think about it. It's okay."  
  
"Draco, I love you. I just can't say how long it will take before I'm really ready."  
  
"Okay. But promise me the moment you want to, don't think about it, just come find me wherever I am. Don't try to talk yourself out of it, let go of the doubts and come to me, ok?" Harry shivered.  
  
"Ok, draco. We'll see." Draco felt a slight ice in Harry's voice. He quickly lightened the mood with a soft, short and yet satisfying kiss. Harry's face flickered into a smile, a measly little smile, which died instantly. Draco rolled his eyes, thankfully without Harry seeing.  
  
"So, baby. When are you going to tell your buddies about me?" Draco asked lightly.  
  
"Not until you tell yours about me," Harry retorted smartly.  
  
"But they aren't my friends. I hate them and they hate me. We just hang out because we don't want to be alone. And because our parents are. friends."  
  
"Well, I am not telling Hermione or Ron until everyone else knows."  
  
"Everyone! Are you mad?"  
  
"About you, yes. About telling people, no. I don't really care who knows, as long as I have you."  
  
"That's really sweet, Harry, but. everyone?"  
  
"Yes, everyone. Hogwarts at least. And since I'm me and you're you, everyone else in the wizarding world will know." Draco shuddered.  
  
"Can't you just tell mudblood and Weasel?"  
  
"That is so childish," Harry scoffed.  
  
"Shut up," Draco retorted with a smile.  
  
"No, I can't just tell them. It would be so embarrassing. 'Hey, you guys, I have something to tell you. I'm gay and, to make this more of a shock, I'm with Malfoy. Yes, that's right, Malfoy, who would like nothing better than to shag me senseless.' I would sooner die, Draco."  
  
"No you wouldn't!" Draco exclaimed vehemently and he launched himself onto Harry, who cringed slightly. They flopped to the ground, lying side by side. Draco pulled Harry close and kissed his cheek. Harry exhaled softly, blowing on Draco's face, loving how good Draco felt against him. Almost good enough to give in to the inevitable. Seductively and sorrowfully, Draco whispered in Harry's ear. "What would I do without you, Potter? How could I live? You're my oxygen." Harry sighed, so in love it made him crazy.  
  
"What would I do without you, Draco Malfoy?"  
  
Draco pressed his lips to Harry's ear, causing Harry to release the slightest of moans, and breathed in the smell of Harry's hair. Almost silently, Draco recited, in his drifty singing voice, a sudden inspiration.  
  
"You're my oxygen,  
  
I breathe you every time I'm near you.  
  
You're my sustenance,  
  
I don't want you, I need you." 


	2. Oops

R+R, but b nice. I personally don't even like this chapter, so just bare with me until the next one. Thanx. Luv u's all!  
  
The next morning, Harry had spent the entire night talking (talking and kissing, nothing else, to Draco's disappointment) to Draco and they slipped out of the room and returned to their common rooms. Harry managed to silently slip through the common room, up the stairs and into the boy's dorms. Just as he was about to get into his bed, he noticed the absence of Dean and Seamus. Curiosity overtook him and he decided he had to find them. Something drew him to find them; maybe subconsciously he knew what was happening.  
  
Thinking of the places they could be, one in particular sprang to mind. He remembered earlier in the term seeing Dean sneaking through the halls into a room. Harry had tried to ask him what he had been doing and Dean swore he was going to practise spells with some friends. Harry had thought nothing off it since, but for some reason remembered it.  
  
He left the common room, leaving the fat lady utterly confused as to why he was going in and out. Actually, he was sort of confused by is too. Who cares where Dean and Seamus are? But, as it happened, Harry did. As he raced through the halls, running fast but silent, Harry caught sight of himself in a long mirror. He stopped abruptly and stepped back to survey himself. He watched his reflection in the mirror, wondering how he looked to everyone else.  
  
Did different people see him differently? Did Ron only see a hero? Did Draco only see a 'potential sex god'? Did Hermione only see a pitiable friend? Did Dumbledore only see a saviour too weak to get over his godfathers death? Harry kept up with more questions, fighting to keep that image of Sirius at his parents wedding from his mind.  
  
Did anyone else see him as the ugly, thick glasses wearing, too big clothes clad, lanky, scrawny, scar headed, aspirant hero that he saw? Or was that just only his view of himself? Was that how most people saw him, or was the mythical Harry that people invented what they saw? Did they see that myth because of what they were told, or was he really like that myth said?  
  
'I feel different when I'm with Draco. Less as if I have to pretend, more like I have to be me. I feel cleaner. Or perhaps dirtier, cause I know what Draco wants from me, but is to in love with me to take.  
  
Will I ever be able to get over this fear and let him take me? Or will I go on denying and depriving him of it, until I drive him away? He won't stop loving me, but he might get bored of waiting. He might decide he's wasting his time, or think I don't love him enough. Would he do that to me? Would he leave me because of my fear?  
  
The other night, we spend the night laying by the oak at the edge of the lake late into the night. He fell asleep, his head resting on my stomach, with me playing with his hair. He left the gel out, thank god, for the first time. It was as if I fell in love with him all over again. God his hair is beautiful. He was just lying there, so peaceful and he looked more innocent than I'd ever seen him. It's hard to believe that he could look innocent.  
  
We must have been there most of the night; it felt like forever yet not long enough. I just stared at him, wondering. So many questions, new and old, gurgled around my brain that night. A few I found answers to, but mostly they just sat on my mind, making more questions form. I was just staring at him, with burning questions in my head.  
  
I hate fear. It ruins so much. It causes so much damage. Perfect, dark Draco, I kept thinking as I mulled over the questions. It's so wrong for him to be with me, perfect, light Harry.'  
  
Harry stepped away from the mirror, sick of seeing his blank-faced reflection staring at him. He was sick of being him, of being The Harry Potter, the boy who lived. He was sick of being looked up to, when really he was weak, lame and useless. And scared. All he wanted was to be Draco's eternally, and never have to endure a moment without him.  
  
GOD! He was fine fighting Voldemort, someone who could so easily kill him, but when it came to sex with the boy he loved more than any other, no. He was too scared of the physical contact, the emotional intimacy and then there was the fact that he was totally inexperienced. What if he disappointed Draco? What if Draco loved it and wanted it more often, but Harry wasn't that enthusiastic about it?  
  
Talk about paranoia.  
  
Harry shook himself, remembering he was out to find Dean and Seamus. He had almost reached the room, too. He picked up the pace again, running faster than before. When he reached the door to the room, he paused. It was a wild theory, and it was highly likely that he would open the door and find nothing. Why was he searching anyway? He didn't know, but he was here, so he may as well just turn the handle and.  
  
The door sneaked open as Harry gently pushed it open. Peeking around the door, he gasped. The room was not the deserted room he had expected. It was dull and lifeless, yes, but in the centre, under a large crystal chandelier was a huge bed, complete with Dean and Seamus, totally naked, and obviously, even at the first glance, deeply in love.  
  
They were lying beside each other, staring into each other's eyes, hands caressing each other's skin. They looked so odd, and so perfect. Pale, cute Seamus with his creamy brown hair beside dark, sexy Dean. So enthralled by each other, neither looked up nor even showed signs of noticing someone entering the room.  
  
They moved forward into each other and as their lips met, Harry found he too was captivated by the sight. It wasn't until Dean forced Seamus onto his back on the bed and the other boy responded by wrapping his legs around the contrastedly pale boy that Harry realised what was happening.  
  
Harry's eyes widened and he realised how perverted he was being. Stupidly, he slammed the door shut. He leant against the door and heard rustling inside the room. He stood up straight and turned around just as the door opened. Dean was standing, dressed now, watching him critiquly, but shyly.  
  
"Harry, why don't you come in?" he said politely. Harry nodded; wanting to assure them he would keep this secret. For some reason he was considering telling them of his own situation, and asking for their advice. Dean ushered him in and Harry saw Seamus sitting, very red-faced, on the bed, watching Dean intently.  
  
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."  
  
"Oh, Harry! Thank you," Seamus exclaimed, happy and relieved. Dean sat down on the bed next to Seamus and Harry stayed where he was, standing in the middle of the floor.  
  
"So, how did you find out about us?" Dean asked.  
  
"I saw you were both missing and I've seen you come here before. I don't even know why I came to find you," Harry replied.  
  
"Oh, ok. Does anyone else know?" Seamus asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok," Seamus replied simply. There was a moments silence and all eyes moved from people to the walls or the ceiling or the floor.  
  
"Can I ask you some. questions?"  
  
"Umm. ok. Go for it," Seamus nodded, hesitantly.  
  
"Firstly, I. Ummm. I'm gay too."  
  
"Really?" Dean's eyes lit up. Seamus elbowed him painfully in the stomach. "Owww!"  
  
"Sorry Harry. Got to keep this horny bugger under control, you know."  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Harry sighed knowingly. At this, both Seamus and Dean's eyes widened. They looked at each other and nodded.  
  
"Malfoy," they said together.  
  
"What?" Unbelieving of what he had just heard. How could they possibly know?  
  
"Malfoy," Dean repeated.  
  
"What. what about him?"  
  
"That's who you're with," Dean said matter-of-factly.  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"Trust me, news travels fast," Seamus smirked.  
  
"News?"  
  
"We have a kind of club for the gays at Hogwarts. We know all about you and Draco," said Seamus, raising his eyebrows. Dean was staring at Seamus, enraptured by his smile, it seemed. Harry knew that look of longing, Draco wore it constantly.  
  
"How? Did draco-?"  
  
"No, he didn't tell. We figured you and him out long ago. You and Malfoy are a little obvious; we all knew that there was something between you, but we didn't think it had started yet."  
  
"So, what do you want to ask?' Dean interjected, finally ceasing his staring.  
  
"Well. Is it... Is it alright. to. to. to be. scared?"  
  
"Ohhhhh. Harry, are you really? The answer is definitely a yes," Dean said understandingly.  
  
"I was petrified," Seamus smiled.  
  
"Were not," Dean scoffed.  
  
"Nah, I wasn't. Nor were you. We're both sex mad beasts. But, what's his name, Creevy, he was absolutely livid at the idea when he and Justin started going out."  
  
"Which Creevy?" Harry almost yelped, shocked.  
  
"Colin, of course. Dennis is as straight as a board, boring guy. Colin and Justin have been together for a while now. Love, perhaps, but most likely just an infatuation. Collins too young to know real love," Dean said knowledgeably.  
  
"Too young?"  
  
"Yeah. He really thought he loved you, but we made him see it was just lust and then he fell for Justin and-."  
  
"ME???"  
  
"Oh, yeah. What, you think he followed you like that because he wanted to be your friend?" Seamus laughed.  
  
"Anyway, Sham, we're getting of the subject. Colin can tell you about it, Harry, about being scared and overcoming it."  
  
"I don't know. I don't really like the idea of Colin knowing. I mean, ok he already knows, but I don't really want to talk to him about it, ok?"  
  
"Sure. We can tell you what we know and if that's enough, then ok, if not, Collins your man. Well, he's Justin's, but you get it anyway."  
  
"Right. Ok."  
  
"So, you're scared, but Draco's sex hungry, right?"  
  
"Yeah. I want to, a bit, but I'm scared."  
  
"Ok. Harry, it's the most amazing thing. It's the most connecting thing possible. You change completely after, everything does. Even your love, it grows so much, it becomes so much stronger. If you love Draco and he loves you, there's no reason to be afraid. Don't be scared because you'll love it, honest. It might seem frightening, but when it happens for real, you'll realise how much time you wasted just kissing."  
  
And Harry and the two lovers stayed in the room for most of the morning, talking about. various subjects. 


	3. Friends

Hermione and Harry were sitting at the study desks in the common room, discussing Ron. Hermione was pursuing the issue of his recent lawlessness on the subject of homework. Harry was growing increasingly agitated with Hermione. It seemed her thoughts rested only on the bad side of things and people. More to the point, while Ron was crazy about her, Hermione could barely raise a complement for him; only degrade him behind his back. To avert the conversation, Harry pulled a random question from his head, just too annoyed at Hermione to stand it much longer.  
  
"Hermione, I've been wondering."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Would you happen to have come across a book with a spell for preventing unwanted erections?" Hermione raised an eyebrow, and Harry shrugged with a cheeky smile.  
  
"Hmmm. wait a moment." Hermione bustled up the stairs and returned a few moments later with a thick book. She held it out to him, and he read the title: Making the Annoying and Essentially Unenjoyable Teenage Years Slightly Easier. He took it gratefully and Hermione sat down again. "Chapter 4, most likely," Hermione suggested.  
  
Harry flipped to the mentioned Chapter and found it entitled 'The Hindrances of Male Teenagers and Spells to Unhinder Ones Self.' He flicked through it until he found the relevant information. He began to greedily devour it and attempted to memorise a few useful spells.  
  
Soon he was distracted from reading by the tawny, spectacularly amber-eyed owl that appeared outside the common room window and promptly began beating its beak against it. Hermione shrieked at the sight. Harry took a moment to recognise that this bird was Yappeil, Krum's owl. Hermione raced to the window and slew it open. Yappeil rose gently and swooped into the room, landing on Hermione's study desk. Flushed and ecstatic, Hermione tore the letter open, and Harry swore he could hear her heart racing from where he was. Enthralled, Hermione sped-read through the long letter, and finally, she let out a shrill scream of absolute joy that made Yappeil shake his head in shock.  
  
"Oh, Harry! Guess what!"  
  
"What?" Harry asked, surprised to see Hermione so happy.  
  
"Viktors coming here for the holidays!"  
  
"Oh, that's good. Great. Really wonderful." Harry said, forcing himself to sound a little enthusiastic.  
  
"Isn't it though? Oh, I'm so HAPPY!" She crossed the room and threw her arms around Harry, her joy bubbling over. Suddenly, Ron burst into the room. Gob smacked, he stared open-mouthed at Hermione, who had recoiled speedily at his sudden appearance.  
  
"Viktor Krum is coming to stay over the holidays," Hermione said weakly, attempting a smile.  
  
"Oh, terrific," Ron said unenthusiastically, raising an eyebrow at Harry, who shrugged.  
  
"Yes. Well. uh. I had better send a letter to Dumbledore to check that its ok. See you later." And she retreated up to the girl's dorms. Ron was still looking sideways at Harry, who felt anger rise inside him, unexplainable.  
  
"Ron, don't be so predictable and pathetic. For god's sake, she was just hugging me. She was happy because her boyfriend is coming to see her. Don't look at me like that!" Ron was narrowing his eyes at Harry. "I am totally innocent and 100% not interested in Hermione, ok?" Ron seemed satisfied, but Harry was feeling quite furious. "As if I want Hermione when I already have someone else." Ron hastened to make Harry forget his anger.  
  
"So, Krumkins is coming for a visit. Goody," he said sarcastically. "I wonder how long it will last. If he tries to pressure Hermione into anything-."  
  
"What do you mean?" said Harry, totally changing his demeanour from angry to befuddled.  
  
"Come on, Harry. He's 19 and she's 16. What is the one thing he would be thinking about?" Harry shrugged. "Sex, you idiot."  
  
"I guess. I didn't think Krum was like that." Ron started raving about Krum, about Hermione's bad taste, giving Harry a good chance to think. Harry was a guy and he too, like Krum and Ron, was supposed to think about nothing but sex. Here he was, scared to death because the guy he loved wanted to have sex, something he was supposed to want too. How confusing.  
  
"By the way Harry," Ron said, only just realising what Harry had said, "Did you say you already have somebody?" Harry decided that he couldn't hide this bit, but there was no way he was going to tell Ron who. He smiled.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Who?" Ron demanded.  
  
"I'm not telling you." Harry turned his eyes back to the book, listening to only the first words of Rons but-I'm-your-friend-and-I-deserve-to-know speech. This was going to be fun. Oh yes, torturing Ron to within an inch of his sanity was always a game Harry enjoyed. 


	4. Attack of the Krumbum

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. As if! Like, I wish I did! I don't own Harry Potter, or anything. Seriously, I live in a cardboard box with my computer. Anyway, blah, blah, blah, J.K. Rowling, blah, blah, blah. U get the idea.  
  
Can I say thanks to the few people who reviewed my story? One thing tho, everyone, ur too positive. Be mean and negative. Grill me about the bad stuff and pretend u didn't notice the good stuff. Ok? Thanx.  
  
headphone therapy: thanx. I agree. Sometimes ppl make them to girly. Their gay, but their not girls.  
  
berry-berry: oh, no! This is definitely not a one-shot! I got plans for this story. BIG plans!  
  
NayNymic: u think things r bad for Draco now. U just wait. It gets worse. Lots worse.  
  
Layce74(): Thanx. But what was not so great about it. I need to know what sucked and what doesn't fit. I'm strong. Telling me the truth won't hurt me.  
  
***  
  
Three days later, it was the day Krum was due to arrive. Ron was sulky and moody. Harry tried to talk to him a few times, but received only harsh snaps of anger in return for his kindness. Harry's mood was affected by Ron, as any best friends mood would be. When it's so obvious what they should do, but you know they won't ever get around to doing it, it makes you said. Hermione was bouncing of the walls with joy, which was, needless to say, odd behaviour for her.  
  
She was so happy in fact, that she didn't write a single note during any class the whole day, not one. She wrote, of course, but not notes. She just kept writing words such as 'Krum', 'Hermione Krum', 'Viktor', 'Love', etc, as well as drawing little hearts everywhere. Ron was extremely annoyed, as these notes were not really worth copying, and Hermione was smug that for the first time, Ron actually wrote notes that she would later copy.  
  
Naturally, Dumbledore had agreed immediately to Krum visiting. This was quite against Ron's unfounded hopes that Dumbledore would deny Hermione this little visit and Hermione would be so upset that she would fall into Ron's arms and cry. Since Ron did not get his wish, Hermione had immediately sent Yappeil back to Bulgaria, telling Krum the wonderful news.  
  
The whole day before Krum arrived, Hermione wore a glowing smile that everyone, even Pansy Parkinson, noticed. Some people stared at her, some whispered about what might have happened and others just came straight up and said 'How much money did you win?' But Hermione was determined to make the day go quickly. Krum was arriving at 5:00, and made a point of not looking at clocks or watches the whole day through.  
  
"This way," she reasoned, "when 5:00 does come, it will seem to have come sooner because I don't check my watch. Otherwise I would be checking my watch every 5 seconds which would make the day seem forever." Harry, though he didn't really see the logic in this, had nodded. With Hermione in such a rare joyous mood, why say anything that might spoil it?  
  
However, by 4:00 she had broken the rules and was watching her watch, just sitting at her study desk staring at it. At 4:45, she decided it was time to go down to the grounds to greet Krum. Much against their wishes, she dragged Harry and Ron with her. They lagged behind as she stomped with anticipation down through the castle.  
  
They stood on the front steps of Hogwarts, eyes to the sky were Hermione was sure Krum would appear from. Ron and Harry pointed out a few black spots against the blue, and Hermione got very angry when she found they were just birds. But eventually, at 5:30, a black speck appeared and Hermione did a dance of joy that found Ron stepping away in fear.  
  
The speck grew larger and Krum soared over the grounds, every second Hermione growing more and more excited. He landed softly and Krum stepped off his broom, only to be pulled into a vicious tongue wrestle with Hermione. Apparently, they were closer than Harry or Ron (who was watching with a disgusted look on his face) knew. Still, Krum seemed to be, though thoroughly participating, relieved when the kiss was over.  
  
"Oh, Viktor! I missed you so much. Did you miss me?"  
  
"Of course," he said huskily, tho not entirely convincingly. Not that Hermione noticed.  
  
"Shall we go to the see Professor McGonagall about sleeping arrangements?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Herm-own-ninny, you must excuse me, but before I can do such a thing as this, I am obligated to bring a message to the potions master of Hogvarts. Durmstrang has recently suffered the lose of our potions teacher and ve are looking to employ a new vizard in his place. Professor Snape, ve hope, vill know one who might fill the position. By all means go to see your Professor, I am sure Harry vouldn't mind showing me the vay to the Potions classrooms."  
  
Harry felt Krum's eyes pass along his own body and he felt uncomfortably exposed. Hermione was beaming at Krum, disguising a slightly dejected look behind the masquerade. Krum graciously smiled at Hermione, buttering her up obviously. She melted as he had planned, simpering weakly. Krum winked and Hermione blushed, while Harry watched the pure disgust on Ron's face. Not taking her eyes off Krum, Hermione spoke to Ron.  
  
"Well, Ron, we may as well go talk to McGonagall ourselves. Ron, take Viktor's broom and his bag." Ron grumbled quietly as he snatched the stuff of Krum, who smirked. Hermione sighed, enraptured. "We'll meet you in the Gryffindor common room in half an hour, alright?"  
  
"Make it an hour, Herm-own-ninny," Krum said commandingly. Hermione simply nodded, still simpering. Harry turned around towards the dungeons, with Krum following closely. Hermione and Ron began bickering immediately as they headed up to McGonagall's office. Disconcerted, Harry noticed that Krum was walking quite close behind him. He saw, in the reflection of a window, that Krum was checking out Harry's arse.  
  
"I haff heard from Hermione that you haff only had one relationship. Why, forgive me if I am too forward, does someone vith such a fine backside not haff a girlfriend- or boyfriend?" Krum asked composedly as they walked. Harry turned to face him and watched, in distaste, one eye slide shut in a would-be evocative wink, had Harry been at all interested.  
  
"You are too forward, and I think it's none of your business," Harry said heatedly, angry with Krum for what he was doing. Flirting with him, when he wasn't at all interested and he knew that Krum was seeing his best friend.  
  
"Harry. Do you know vhat I am thinking of right now?" Krum said softly, stepping closer to Harry, who matched this by stepping back.  
  
"No. I dare say you're going to tell me," Harry muttered coldly.  
  
"A certain Hogvarts boy, vith a scar on his forehead and the cutest arse in the vorld. And I mean that. Minus his clothes. And a bed of silk. Vith rose petals sprinkled over it, of course. Vhat do you think of that?"  
  
"I think you're feral, you-." But Krum launched himself at Harry, casting him into the wall, pinning him to it, stuck and unable to get out. Krum's mouth caressed Harry's, and his tongue slipped in. Harry felt disgusted. He wanted to be sick. Krum pulled his mouth off Harry's and it drifted down his neck, tickling unpleasantly.  
  
"Krum, get off me!" Harry said warningly, his hand slipping to his wand, which was in his pocket. Krum's hand caught Harry's and tightened around it. Harry groaned in pain as Krum's grip became cruel. "I'm warning you, I'll scream. I'm not afraid to scream." Krum brought himself away from Harry, keeping his hand in his grip until it was much too prolonged.  
  
"Calm down Harry, it is simply a bit of fun!" Krum retorted nonchalantly.  
  
"And what's Hermione?" Harry demanded. "Is she just a bit of fun too?"  
  
"She vos fun, until she thought ve vere serious. All I vanted vos a fuck," Krum said. Harry was disgusted. He barely held himself back from punching Krum, let alone raising his wand. "She said that you loved her, and she loves you. She wants to be with you forever!"  
  
"She is a dramatic, show off teen vith a cute butt. Not as cute as yours, but I get vhat I can. She's just for my pleasure. I don't care about her."  
  
"Obviously not. Are you going to break up with her?"  
  
"Not likely. She's all over me, so I'll use it to my advantage."  
  
"You disgust me."  
  
"Vish I could say the same thing about you," Krum said, slipping his arm around Harry waist. He leant in and whispered a threat in Harry's ear. "If you tell her, I swear I vill cut you till you bleed to death. Then I vill haff my fun vith you." Harry shuddered. The crazed smile on Krum's face and the ice in his voice told Harry this was no joke. Krum would kill him.  
  
"Ok. I'll stay quiet."  
  
"Svear?" Krum's arm went from Harry's waist as the cruel 19 year old stepped back to watch the younger boys' reaction.  
  
"I swear," Harry gulped.  
  
"Good boy. Now, vhich room?" Krum purred. Harry led him in silence to Snape's office. Krum knocked and Harry backed away, ready to run if he got the chance. Krum saw him and smirked harshly at him. Snape's face, in a twisted smile, was peering thru the door.  
  
"Mr. Krum! How good to see you back at Hogwarts," Snape said politely, purring like Krum. "I am Severus Snape."  
  
"There's no need to introduce yourself. How could I forget you? Call me Viktor, Professor Snape."  
  
"If that is the case, call me Severus, please. Might I add that you are looking much happier than the last time I saw you." Harry almost threw up. Krum just winked at Snape.  
  
"I, uh, need some help, Severus. You see, the potions master at Durmstrang recently muddled a potion that then exploded, killing him and ten students. It vos his own fault, but now ve need a new potions teacher."  
  
"Why don't you take the job? I've heard that you're quite handy with a cauldron." Harry stared. Had Snape really just given someone a complement? Krum smiled.  
  
"Among other things," He said pointedly raising his eyebrows suggestively. "I vould naturally take the job, but our ministry refuses to let me teach vithout training. Anyvay, Severus, I don't know how u can stand to teach these pathetic excuses for vizard's day in, day out. I really do admire you for it."  
  
"Thank you, Victor. I, too, don't know why I do this to myself. But I do continue to do so. These students," he gestured to Harry, "poor examples of magic doers though they are, need someone to discipline them."  
  
"Perhaps you could leave Hogvarts and teach at Durmstrang?" However, as Krum suggested it, Snape shook his head wistfully.  
  
"Unfortunately, my place is here, victor. I am sure it would be a pleasure to teach at Durmstrang, but Dumbledore would never let me leave."  
  
"I see. Vell, it vos vorth a try."  
  
"Certainly I will remember the offer if I ever tire of Hogwarts."  
  
"Good. Anyvay, getting back to the subject, about the Potions master replacement. do you haff any ideas?" Snape reeled off a few names and Harry's attention wandered. He could see from the chatter, the tone of the speech, the body language and the way they forgot about Harry's existence that there was some serious flirting going on.  
  
For a moment, Harry wondered if he should tell Hermione. No, Krum would guess it was him and then he'd be in trouble. Plus, it was doubtful that even if Harry told Hermione what he had seen that she would believe him. He would have to wait until Hermione worked it out herself. The fact that Hermione believed Krum had no faults would complicate that theory, but it wasn't Harry's fault. Maybe he could just give a few hints to try to convince Hermione that Krum is no good.  
  
Even Hermione had to open her eyes eventually. 


	5. Disgusting Discovery

Sorry it took a while to update. I'm real busy tho, so just give me a chance. Luv Tictac7.  
  
Chrissy430: You think its good? Thanx. Who does like Viktor? Not me. Oh, could u tell already? I guess so. I hope I am not making Harry to pathetic and pitiable. Trust me it gets worse tho.  
  
***  
  
Harry woke the next morning to see Hermione standing over him, her eyes clouded with fear and frustration, tears building up in them. When she saw his eyelids flutter open, she threw her arms around him, sobbing "Oh, Harry!" She sat on the side of his bed and sniffled softly, still wrapped around Harry.  
  
"Hermione! What's wrong?" he said kindly, holding her close to him.  
  
"Its Viktor!" Harry almost groaned, but stopped himself in time. "He's missing. No one knows where he is!" She was close to hysterics, it seemed. "I think he's been kidnapped!" Harry fought not to laugh, and hear Ron's familiar chuckle from his bed.  
  
"Hermione," Ron said loudly as he pulled the hangings back on his bed, eyeing Harry who withdrew his hands from around Hermione. "Someone as huge as Krum doesn't get kidnapped, and if they do, they'll get themselves out," he sneered. But Hermione remained pretty much frantic.  
  
"Calm down, Mione. I'll check the Marauders map for him, its okay." She sniffed thankfully and watched as Harry pulled the worn piece of parchment from his trunk. To Harry's surprise, as soon as he said the command to reveal the maps secrets, he saw a black dot entitled Viktor Krum in the dungeons with Snape.  
  
He showed Hermione who was relieved. Harry, however, remembered the flirting going on between them and wondered what they were doing- and wondered if he actually wanted to know what they were doing. Hermione saw the concern on his face and fled off. Harry threw the map down on his bed and went after her. They ran quickly, surprisingly quickly, down to the dungeons, Hermione racing on though Harry was calling her back.  
  
Breathless, she finally reached the room. She extended her wand and shouted, "Alohamora!" The door swung open. The scene behind the door made her scream. A panicky look on her face, she turned back and fell into Harry's arms sobbing. Harry thought perhaps Krum was dead, and edged Hermione closer to the door.  
  
What he saw was something he really would have rather not seen. Krum was fighting to get back into his pants, his face and his bare, muscular upper body crimson with embarrassment. Harry also noticed his lips were faintly red and puffy. Snape was fully dressed, but resting against a table, apparently slightly out of breath. Harry's stomach fought with him to bring up his breakfast thinking of what he might have seen had they been a moment earlier, but he beat the food down.  
  
"Get out POTTER!" Sanpe yelled breathlessly. He looked back to Krum as tho they were in the middle of a conversation. "So, ahhh, Mr. Krum I think that." Snape cleared his throat, "my friend in France, Turquese Mutilare, is looking for a job. He'll be quite. suitable for the place of Potions Master."  
  
Krum came towards Hermione, who turned her tear-streaked face out of Harry's chest and looked at him. She stifled her sobs and fought back the tears.  
  
"How could you do this to me, Viktor? You told me you loved- loved me! You arsehole!" With that, she turned back into Harry, pressing herself against him.  
  
Harry would have felt uncomfortable like this in other circumstances, but he could see Hermione needed comforting desperately. Harry shot a look of contempt at Krum, who smirked, though looking slightly ashamed. Gently, Harry walked Hermione down the halls. Gradually he became aware that her sobs sounded more like laughter. When they turned the first corner, she broke away, now laughing madly. Harry watched her as she calmed down.  
  
"Ha! that'll teach you to mess with Hermione Granger, Mister Krum."  
  
"Hermione, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, fine." A flash of remembrance lit her face, and Harry thought for a moment she was insane or drunk. "But you aren't, Harry."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You're not ok. Your not even right in the head."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Maybe I'm being a bit harsh. I just don't think much of your taste, personally. Draco's a bit. blah. Not to mention evil."  
  
"Dra- Draco?"  
  
"Sorry Harry, to have to tell you this, but I know." Harry was sure that Hermione was drunk. She shrugged. "No big deal. So, yeah, I know you're gay and you're with Malfoy. For wateva reason."  
  
"I love him, Hermione," Harry exclaimed forcefully. Hermione scoffed. "What's funny about that?"  
  
"Do you even know what love is?"  
  
"Yes. Considering I'm in love, you would assume so."  
  
"Oh, Harry. Poor Harry," Hermione chuckled. She patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. As tho it was perfectly obvious, Hermione continued with, "Love is purely psychological, Harry."  
  
"What?" Harry whispered disbelievingly.  
  
"It's made up in your mind," Hermione stated.  
  
"How can you say that?" Harry hissed.  
  
"Because it's true Harry. There's a reason for every bit of love you see around you," She announced knowledgably.  
  
"Really?" Harry sneered.  
  
"Mmmm-hmm," Hermione said offhandedly, half focusing on starting off for the common room.  
  
"Okay then. You and Krum."  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"Why are- were you and Krum together?" Hermione stood still, thinking.  
  
"For me it was because it was the last thing everyone expects and because I pitied him. For him it was because I liked him for him, for Viktor, not Krum, you know. He was a bit desperate and I guess it's kinda sexual," She said, fighting to remain unabashed. Harry's brow creased.  
  
"Why does Ron like you?"  
  
"Easy. He's confused by our friendship and he thinks I like him. He would go for any girl who seemed to like him, as an ego boost. I try not to give the wrong messages, and it makes me nervous so I seem nervous around him, which makes him think I like him. He's so desperate for affection that he'll fall for anyone who seems to be interested. His parents affection is spread thin over all the kids, so he's hungry for it from other sources."  
  
"So then. what about me and Draco?" Harry said, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. Hermione frowned, as tho she was hesitant to answer. Then she straightened her face, resigning to answer what she was asked.  
  
"Well, it's a bit of rebellion, because it's sort of forbidden, and it's the opposite of what people think of you. You want to distance yourself from who they think you are. I expect it's pretty sexual too. I mean Draco's evil, but he's kinda cute-."  
  
"You said he was 'blah'!"  
  
"I lied. And you're. well, lets just say that every girl at Hogwarts will be very disappointed about your being gay, ok? So its fairly sexual, I assume."  
  
"They only like me coz I'm famous."  
  
"Well. not entirely. You are. kinda hot," Hermione grinned. "Anyway, you two are so alike, it would have surprised me if you never became friends, but only friends. You probably don't know but Draco is like the evil version of you in so many ways. You're going to be this great leader of the good side, and Draco's going to lead the dark side. When Voldemort expires Draco's father is next in line, which moved Draco right up there."  
  
"Draco isn't going to be a death eater, and how do you know about this anyway?"  
  
"I talk to Dumbledore a lot more than you, Harry. And Snape too." She sneered that last sentence coldly. Snape was pronounced with more hatred than any word Harry had heard Hermione ever say.  
  
"Okay, continue."  
  
"Well, there is this muggle theory that's very consistent. They say a lack of bonding with the male parent drives boys to crave affection from other males. to compensate for their childhoods."  
  
"WHAT?" Harry felt disgusted and amused at the same time.  
  
"Well, you never knew your father and your uncle hates you. With Draco, his father all but despises him, and is probably never home anyway. You see?"  
  
"Yes, I see. I can quite plainly see you are nuts and you need someone who loves you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hermione, love is not a state of mind. It's not psychological. Love is when you need no reason to live other than the knowledge that they are yours and you are theirs. You don't need anything because you have them. You live for them and because of them and you feel like you're with them every second of life that actually matter. Love means knowing you can live without oxygen, food and water because you have someone who loves you. Someone you love. I cannot believe you think something so beautiful and perfect is created in your head. Hermione, I pity you."  
  
"Why, because I'm not deluded?" Hermione stopped walking again, and Harry did the same. "You're crazy to believe something so imaginary."  
  
"You're crazy not to believe!" Harry threw back as he stomped off.  
  
So Harry was imagining that he would die for Draco. He was just making believing that he and Draco would never break up. When he had calmed down, Harry vowed he would ask Hermione for some more information. As much as this disgusted him, he found it interesting. The sudden rush of info had overwhelmed him. Was this true? Did love exist or was it all an illusion? His words about love to Hermione were words he had only recently come to believe himself, and now she was trying to take them away from him.  
  
Having just had his belief in love almost destroyed, Harry went searching for Draco. He needed to feel love again. To remind him how he felt so he could brush Hermione's words aside. Nowadays, Draco spent his life in the dungeons in the singing room, so Harry went turned around and began his way downwards, hoping to run into Draco and not Snape and Krum.  
  
He paced quickly through the corridor, down the stairs to the moss covered walls of the dungeons. He went past the potions rooms and looked down the huge staircase. Wishing Draco would appear suddenly at the bottom of the stairs, Harry began the long decent, trotting down the narrow slippery stone stairs.  
  
He finally reached the bottom and walked through the almost crisscrossing halls, feeling the air become heavier and stuffier. Suddenly the door was in front of him, and Harry knocked gently, knowing Draco would wait a moment before opening the doors, in case the visitor wasn't welcome.  
  
Draco's head snapped up, taking his eyes from the paper he was scrawling on to the large wooden door. Had someone heard him singing and come to investigate? Had he forgotten to put the sound-blocking spell on the door? Staring at the door, Draco waited, as though thinking if he stared for long enough, he would be able to see through it. But the door, of course, didn't become transparent so Draco got up from the comfortable chair.  
  
Harry watched the door swing open and Draco's tense face appeared, and immediately relaxing at the sight of Harry. Draco held the door open as Harry entered, then closed it behind him. Surveying the messy room with a wide grin, Harry went over to the table to see what Draco was working on. Draco came over hurriedly and began sorting through papers, taking some and hiding them behind his back.  
  
"Draco.?"  
  
"I. I think it would be best if you didn't read these ones that's all."  
  
"Why?" Harry asked, curious and perturbed. Draco sighed as tho he wanted to show the papers to Harry, but the task was just too dangerous.  
  
"You have to understand that I. I write from the heart." Harry nodded. "My words are straight from the heart, but I have a troubled heart." Harry could see that Draco had rehearsed these words in his head before saying them. It made Harry uneasy to think Draco was being careful with what he admitted to his lover. "I have a broken soul, so sometimes my words are broken too."  
  
"Draco, I love you. Why can't I see those?"  
  
"I love you Harry, you know that. but as good- great- wonderful as we are together, loving you hurts me. That's mostly what I write about," Draco lied. Tho some of his off-limit songs were about loving Harry, the majority were about things much worse than being hurt by love. "I'm so in love with you that it feels so good it burns me."  
  
"Draco." Harry stepped forward to embrace Draco, who backed away. He shuffled all the papers into a neat pile and shoved them in the top draw of his desk. Harry watched him, smiling sadly. Poor Draco, he thought, love is so good its bad. When Draco turned back to him, Harry again went in for a hug, but Draco's mouth connected with his and Harry made the easy, split second decisions to go with the kiss.  
  
Draco had enforced the kiss over the hug for one reason. It was only when he and Harry were together that he didn't mind loving Harry. And when they touched, Draco enjoyed loving him. And when they kissed, Draco really did love loving Harry.  
  
Draco knew, as much as he loved Harry, it would never work between them, it would never last. No matter how much you love someone, and no matter how much they love you, sometimes it still wont work. Even tho Draco and Harry were perfect together, that doesn't make the rest of the world a perfect place for them to be together in.  
  
Just because Draco knew they wouldn't last didn't mean he would give up on it. On the contrary, Draco planned to hold on to this as long as he could, even if it killed him. Holding on might kill him, but being without Harry would be so much worse. It would be over eventually, but Draco would not stop fighting until it was absolutely hopeless.  
  
As Draco's tongue massaged his own, Harry felt the love for Draco rise like a Dragon taking off from the ground. Poor Hermione, he thought, with no idea what its like to love. Draco's lips tasted so good, and his mouth and his tongue too. It was too good for Harry, who was sure he couldn't taste as good as Draco did.  
  
Draco's mouth began to retreat, and Harry let it slip away, immediately regretting it. The moment they were parted, Harry felt a need for Draco that he had never felt before. He just had to kiss him, to touch him, to hold him. And he gave in to these desires, leaving Draco without doubt that he would never, not even for a moment stop fighting before it was absolutely over. 


	6. The first fight, or the last?

I'm so excited. I'm actually getting to the interesting, exciting, sad bits of the story!!! YAHOO!!!!!!!  
  
***  
  
"Do we mean anything to you Harry?" Draco asked coolly, his voice a mere whisper. The chill of the words made Harry's body give a shudder against the cold wall of the ex-charms classroom. It was a Friday night, and they had met here as usual, but the mood had been arctic the whole time, for reasons neither knew yet. Apparently, it wasn't going to warm up in a hurry.  
  
"What kind of question is that?" Harry replied, equally as icy, though he hadn't meant it to be in that tone.  
  
"Ok, ignore that question." Draco's tone had softened a touch. "New question: What do we mean to you?" Harry turned to Draco, but Draco continued to stare across the room, refusing Harry eye contact.  
  
"Lots."  
  
"*Lots*?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Be more specific."  
  
"Well, you mean more to me than anyone."  
  
"And vice versa, I assure you," Draco enforced. Harry leaned over to kiss the blonde, who relaxed against the wall and shook his head. "Continue." Harry did so, very confused at Draco's actions. Didn't he want to kiss Harry?  
  
"I honestly do love everything... almost everything about you."  
  
"What don't you love about me?" Draco demanded.  
  
"Your rude streak, your jealousy and the fact that you're a Malfoy. Oh, and the fact that you're. you're pressuring me." Harry had expected Draco to laugh off his answer, but he never thought Draco would be angered.  
  
"Well, can I tell you this? Rude I may be, but only when someone deserves it," Draco exploded angrily, his ballistic outburst making Harry's eyes wide with shock.  
  
"Draco, I-," Harry tried to pacify the boy, but to no effect.  
  
"I am jealous when you spend all your time with a certain mudblood and a useless Quidditch player when you *claim* to love *me*."  
  
"Oh, come on Draco, that's not fair. You know that I-."  
  
"I hate the fact that I'm a Malfoy and that my parents are who they are and made me who I am. And I hate the fact that I'm so closely involved with the Dark Lord."  
  
"Please, Draco! Listen to me. I-."  
  
"I know I pressure you, but it's because I love you and I want to prove it to you. I want our love to be sealed forever. If you can't see that, then I think we outta take a break!" The last three words were said with such malice that Harry cried out pathetically in argument.  
  
"What do you mean? Don't say what I think you're going to."  
  
"I think we should split up."  
  
"Draco, no!"  
  
"I love you, but you need to work out if you love me."  
  
"Draco, how can you... I do... I know I do... You know I do... How can you say-?" Harry stuttered. Draco shook his head and his eyes pierced Harry's. "Draco, don't look at me like that." Draco continued to glare. "Draco, please don't be mad." Draco stood up from his comfortable position against the wall next to Harry. Harry tried to get up but found his legs were shaking. "Draco, come back." But he stormed from the room. "DRACO!" But Draco, seething with anger, slammed the door in fury, not uttering a single word. "Draco," Harry murmured, sobs raking his body.  
  
Draco had only gone halfway down the corridor when he stopped suddenly.  
  
"What just happened?" he asked himself out loud.  
  
'You and Harry had your first, and possibly last, fight,' his brain answered for him.  
  
'Go back and apologize to Harry,' his heart said gently.  
  
'Are you crazy?' his pride demanded. 'Apologize? Harry's the one who needs to say sorry.'  
  
'No. You started it. You asked him a stupid question. You were angry at him, so you made up a reason to explode.' His head tried to jog his memory. 'Wait a while and calm down.'  
  
'Harry said that stuff though,' his pride quarreled. 'He made you angry. It's his fault.  
  
'You know that's not true. You love Harry, and love should rule over the head and pride, Draco,' his heart whispered.  
  
'Love, smuve. Go back and yell at Harry, he deserves it. Are you a Slytherin or a spineless Ravenclaw?' His pride repeated.  
  
'Wait and calm down,' his head said finally.  
  
'Apologize,' his heart pleaded.  
  
'Yell at him,' his pride sneered.  
  
Draco felt overcome. All three options were oh-so inviting. He slipped down a wall and sat there for so long, going over his anger, and wondering what Harry was thinking. About half an hour later, Harry finally emerged from the room, and Draco watched him. Clearly Harry didn't think Draco had stuck around. Draco realized there was a statue just near him and he crawled behind him, so he could watch Harry pass without him knowing.  
  
Harry was walking along like he was drunk, or exhausted, or very lost and confused. As he came closer, Draco realized his face was tear streaked and contorted with such misery that Draco just wanted to reach out and touch it, to reassure Harry. But his pride elbowed him in the guts at the very idea. 'Weak!' it hissed.  
  
Under his breath, soft and almost silent, one word slipped from Harry's mouth over and over. 'Draco.' Draco's breath became troubled as he heard this. He knew Harry would hear him, but he couldn't help it. To his grim surprise, Harry was so lost and befuddled that he didn't even hear Draco's breathing. He turned the corner and wandered into the next corridor, leaving Draco leaning against the wall, eyes closed, hating himself and wishing to erase the last hour from his memory- more importantly, from Harry's memory.  
  
***  
  
Draco opened his eyes not remembering in the slightest why he was back in his warm, snugly bed in the Slytherin dorms. Somehow he convinced his head to rise off his pillow, so very comfortable, and he sat up. After shifting the pillow against the headboard, Draco pushed himself against it, leaning back calmly. He closed his eyes as he struggled to remember last night's events. Immediately he wished he hadn't.  
  
The fight, about whether Harry loved Draco or not. So dumb. Draco knew better than to say that sort of thing to someone. To purposely aggravate them because he was angry with them. To make an excuse to lash out at them, or to have them lash out at him. And to question Harry's love.? What kind of a thing to do was that? Of course he knew that Harry was committed to him, just scared, as could be expected. Poor Harry. He was so wonderful and worthy of so much more than Draco could provide.  
  
Draco recalled with a self-loathing groan the tears in Harry's eyes, the tears falling down soft skinned cheeks. Tears caused by Draco's cruelty. He had seen the tears, and wanted to wipe them away for Harry, but his pride had controlled him. He had *allowed* his pride to control him. Dignity chosen over love. Nauseating, that's what he was.  
  
But how had he gotten back to the Slytherin dorms, into his pajamas and into his bed without remembering? Surely he would at least remember a bit of it, of walking back in a daze. But nothing came to him as he sat there, trying not to let Harry's face enter his mind. He pulled the thick done over his top half, right up to his chest. Flashes of memories from last night stung his brain.  
  
After giving Harry time to wander back to the Gryffindor Common Room, Draco had gotten to his feet and stumbled through the halls to the only person he could trust besides Harry. The only person he could ever speak to about his feelings. The only person who knew Draco as though they were him, knowing him even better than Harry did. Blaise Zambini.  
  
When had gotten back to the Slytherin common room he had gone to Blaise's dorm. He and Blaise had sat in the common room for ages, talking about Harry. Blaise had not known about the relationship, but he accepted it with open arms, glad Draco finally had love, and sad that he had fought it away on his own. Draco knew that he had been trying to get Harry angry so he could return the anger. He didn't know why he had done it, and it hadn't worked anyway. All he had done was make Harry sad.  
  
When the conversation ended, Blaise had helped Draco into bed and left him to wipe away his own tears and work out what to do. Blaise felt guilty for leaving him, but he knew it was what Draco wanted. He didn't need or want Blaise to comfort him. He needed Harry for that.  
  
***  
  
For three days Draco moped about from class to class, trying his hardest to avoid Harry. He was desperate to be by Harry's side again, but just as desperate, or even more, not to let it show. A fight- a war- raged in his heart between his love and his pride. And with a Malfoy, pride wins every time.  
  
Every time their eyes even came close to meeting, Draco would turn in the other direction. Harry's eyes still glowed with love, but now with pain as well. As long as Draco could see Harry was daydreaming sulkily, which was the majority of the time, he would watch him from afar. Somehow Harry sometimes managed to be happy, or a least act happy. When Draco saw Harry come into a room in anything but a silent, broody mood, he would either leave or resign himself to the far corner.  
  
Potions was an interesting event. Snape seemed blissfully blind to the fact that Harry and Draco were *not* friends anymore. Draco suspected Snape's apparent blindness was self-induced. No one knew why the two friends were suddenly not so friendly, and no one dared to ask. Even Ron and Hermione stayed out of it to avoid Harry's anger when the subject came up. So Harry and Draco were forced together every potions lesson, and made their potions in silence.  
  
Draco somehow ignored the hurt in Harry's eyes, and Harry in turn ignored the involuntarily obvious pining in Draco's eyes. But it was tearing two hearts apart to fight the urge to just fall back to where they were. You often find that it's hard to walk away from someone when all you want to do is hold them. 


	7. Krum snaps

Disclaimer: do not own H.P., in case you hadn't noticed.  
  
Another tortuous potions lesson was just about to end when Harry felt tears forming in his eyes, and he didn't even know why. Beside him, Draco became rigid in his seat. Harry could tell that Draco knew the tears were there. But no way was Harry going to let Draco see them. He simply waved his wand and all his belongings packed themselves into his bag and cauldron. Then he left, holding the droplets in his eyes just long enough to get out.  
  
The strange thing was that Snape, sitting at his desk, did nothing to stop him. He just stared at the parchment in front of him, determined not to catch Harry leaving. This, naturally, confused everyone. Harry didn't notice. Draco was too busy longing for Harry to come back to think about Snape.  
  
Frustrated with himself, Harry decided to descend into the darker, gloomier bottom of the school and brood. He had to do something about this thing with him and Draco. It couldn't go on like this much longer. One of them would go insane. Harry felt it would be him, because Draco's skills at hiding emotions far exceeded his own.  
  
As Harry walked past a particularly gloomy door, he could hear sobbing coming from the room behind it. Hoping someone else's sorrows would divert his mind from his own troubles, Harry opened the door. Inside, Krum was sitting hunched over on a chair. He didn't acknowledge Harry's entrance, and Harry decided to speak to him instead of leaving unnoticed.  
  
"Viktor?" He said tentatively. Krum's head shot up, eyes bloodshot and puffy.  
  
"Vat do you vant?" Krum slurred miserably.  
  
"Why are you crying down here?"  
  
"Coz it is more dignified than crying in the great hall." Krum snapped.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Vat does it matter to u?"  
  
"I want to know what reduced the greatest seeker ever to tears."  
  
"You vant to mock me, eh?"  
  
"No. I know what its like to hurt and have no one to speak to. Let me try to help you. It can't hurt." Krum was watching him speak, eyes broody as ever. But then he sighed almost in defeat and lowered his head.  
  
"Draco doesn't deserve you."  
  
"We didn't get together because we deserve to be together. It's because we're in love. And we're not even together anymore. He dumped me. It really hurt."  
  
"Severus-." Krum sniffed despondently. "Severus dumped me. He said I was too immature and a slave to evil. Just coz he's brave enough to lie to the Dark Lord while I am not."  
  
"So why are you still in the castle if he dumped you?"  
  
"Hermione and you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Hermione hates me, but I can't help loving her. The only reason I flirted with Severus and slept with him was that I have to, according to Voldemort's rules." At the puzzlement on Harry's face, Krum continued to explain. "I am an accessory. I help with what I am needed for. Whatever the job may be, if it is issued by a superior Death Eater, I must obey it."  
  
"And Snape can give you instructions?"  
  
"Yes, but he doesn't. He wasn't the one who told me to sleep with him. He did care about me, until he found out I was with him because Lucious Malfoy told me to."  
  
"You get your orders from Malfoy?" Krum nodded. "And why do I have anything to do with you staying?"  
  
"I have some unfinished business to attend to with you." Krum stood and took out his wand.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I told you if you talked to Hermione about me flirting with you, I'd kill you. And you did, didn't you."  
  
"No, I didn't! I swear, I didn't."  
  
"And you led Hermione to the dungeons coz I was with Snape. You ruined me. You're the reason I was crying." Krum raised his wand and a disfiguredly crazy look glazed his eyes. Harry closed his eyes, not bothering to fight. He couldn't fight; he had nothing to fight for. His life meant nothing.  
  
'This is it,' Harry thought. 'Two words, a flash of green light and it will be over. I'll be free.' He waited patiently with his eyes closed, sensing and aching for what was about to occur. His death, his freedom, his escape. At last. Death was his chance to get away from it all; to escape from Dumbledore, Voldemort, the death eaters, the Malfoy's, Draco. He wished he could go back to the potions room and give Draco one last kiss. He hadn't kissed him for days.  
  
But it was too late for that. This was his long awaited finale; this was his death staring him in the face, asking him to come quietly. Harry felt the air thicken and his breathing become more laboured as Krum pointed his want to Harry's motionless figure.  
  
"Lucious taught me this spell. Laceraro Turquere Mutilarum," Krum hissed faintly. Harry didn't have time to be confused. His skull had been split with an axe; he knew it. His head had been totally severed in half. A dazzling pain brought him crashing to the ground, and it didn't dull.  
  
"LACERARO TURQUERE MUTILARUM!" Krum yelled in a crazy voice, his eyes almost red with anger and hate and passion. Passion for destruction. Over and over the words reverberated against the stone walls, and each time they pummelled Harry's ears he felt another cut open somewhere on his flesh, he felt more blood spill.  
  
His face, his arms, his hands, his legs, his stomach, his chest, his throat even, were covered in stomach-churning, ghastly lacerations, some deep when Krum's voice had boomed the cutting spell, others that had formed more slowly, painfully slowly, as Krum jeered almost silently the three words Harry feared. Nothing more than these words did Harry fear. Not death, not Voldemort, not losing Draco, just these poisonous words.  
  
Then a tiny thought ploughed through the pain and made contact with Harry's brain. Was Krum going to do what he said? Would he wait till Harry bled out then 'have his fun with him'? The previous thought made way for just one last thought before Harry blacked out- he hoped Draco never saw his body: cut; bleeding; raped and lifeless. Spare Draco, Harry pleaded to no one in particular. Then his head flopped to the side pathetically and he went limp.  
  
***  
  
Draco was sitting at his desk, head lolling sleepily over his potions write- up. Out of the blue his head snapped up with a jerk and he felt as if his skull had been cracked open like an egg on the edge of a frypan. He held his face in his hands and tried not to yell in pain. He could feel blood pouring from a huge wound on the top of his head. He raised his hands a little, gently brushing them through his hair, searching for the blood and the wound. He found no wound, and when he lowered his hands, there was no blood on them.  
  
Confused and in pain, he stood up, only to feel an incredible pain shuddering through his body, and cuts opening randomly all over him. But as far as he could see, there were no actually cuts, just the burning of them opening over his skin. The rest of the class were watching him in confusion, not sure it this was a lame joke or if Draco had finally done his nut. He stumbled to the front of the room with everyone staring at him and when he reached Snape's desk, his head snapped up and he realised.  
  
"Harry needs me," he stated to himself. Without command from his brain, his legs moved him towards the door, which he hurtled through. Draco felt possessed. He had no idea where his legs, and his mind, were taking him. He just ran like his heart would stop if he paused for a single moment. He was running like a hunted fool, adrenalin pumping through him like some poison.  
  
When he found himself delving deeper in the dungeons, he felt a magnetic pull to one of the rooms. With no idea why he was going there, Draco burst in unannounced, throwing the door against the wall. Krum was standing over the limp, horizontal Harry, laughing madly.  
  
"Laceraro turquere Mutilarum!" Krum breathed, and Draco saw a cut open on Harry's exposed lower leg, a matching pain ablaze on his own leg.  
  
"YOU! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Draco yelled his command. Krum looked up with a crazy glint in his eyes. Draco raised his wand. "PERTIFICUS TOTALIS!"  
  
Krum flew backwards into the wall and slide to ground, paralysed by an excessively passionate bodybind spell. The adrenaline was replaced with pure cold dread as Draco walked to Harry's side, fearing that Harry was already gone. But when he leant down beside the bleeding boy, his chest was still rising and falling and Draco could hear the tiniest breaths escaping Harry's lips.  
  
He wrapped his arms around Harry, trying to scoop him up from the ground. Suddenly Draco felt as though his hair and skin was on fire. Harry moaned in pain, regaining consciousness as he felt the same pain Draco did. Thinking it was Krum, Draco looked at him, but he was still on the ground, unmoving.  
  
With a whirl of colours surrounding them, an incantation- 'Transporta Attrahere'- echoed in their ears. Draco and semi-comatosed, injured and confused Harry found that they were no longer in the room with Viktor Krum. Instead, Harry looked up at the unfamiliar marble walls and pillars, graceful and elegant, tho somehow dark. For a moment he thought it must be heaven, but then he saw Draco and threw his arms around him. Draco peered around fearfully, pushing Harry off him gently, feeling it was time for wands not hugs.  
  
"Where are we?" Harry whimpered. He assumed that because Draco was afraid he must know where they were, and, therefore, the dangers here. The blonde gulped.  
  
"The Malfoy Manor." 


	8. The Malfoy Manor

Disclaimer: Harry is JK's, not mine. Unfortunately.  
  
Harry gasped at Draco's words. What in the world were they doing here? Then he thought about it. The Malfoy Manor. Malfoys being servants of the dark lord, they would do whatever he asked. And if they knew Draco was with Harry Potter, of all people, they would be even more eager to help him destroy Harry.  
  
Draco pulled a still breathless and bleeding Harry to his feet and they looked fearfully at each other. Harry sobbed, having faced death once already today, and none to keen to face it again. At least not without kissing Draco first. As his lips brushed Draco's, Draco told himself to fight it, but he couldn't. Why bother? They were about to be killed; he could sense impending death all around them.  
  
"My, my. How... cute." A cold voice drawled. "Hardly appropriate tho, when you are guests in someone home."  
  
"We're not here by choice. We'd quite happily leave." Draco said, hiding both his fear and anger. He allowed Harry to slip out of his arms and go to lean on the wall.  
  
"Get over it. You're not going anywhere but hell, boy."  
  
"Oh, sorry. I thought that's what this place was." Draco said obnoxiously, casting an anxious look at Harry, who was still losing quite an amount of blood. Lucious narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Draco, what is going on? A Malfoy kissing the dark lords enemy? Traitorous little bastard, aren't you?"  
  
"Sorry if I think love is more important than hate."  
  
"How noble."  
  
"Just because you don't comprehend nobility."  
  
"Draco, you want Harry, don't you? You want him. Here; now. You want all of what you have been denied. Don't you? He's been cruel to leave you hanging so long," Lucius said silkily, his voice arousing the temptations Draco had been fighting for so long. It was true; Draco did want Harry every second of every minute of every hour of every day.  
  
But in the last few minutes Draco had come to see that Harry could so easily be ripped away from him. Draco felt that sex and his desires were utterly unimportant. Nothing mattered at all in the world but Harry. Not that Draco had Harry's love, but that Harry had his own life, that he was safe. At whatever price to Draco. Draco wanted to scold himself for taking so long to realise.  
  
"Are you going to claim him, Draco? Are you going to make him eternally yours? He's been cruel to you, denying you what he should provide. Your pleasures are his duties, Draco. Claim him. Take him now." Something strange was happening. Lucius thought he was going to have sex with Harry here. That he was going to make Harry allow him inside of his body. He thought Draco was going to rape Harry.  
  
He almost yelled at his father for thinking such a thing, but then a light went on in his head; the cunning of his Malfoy heritage took charge. He realised what he could do to save Harry. He put on his face his best Malfoy smirk and nodded, eyes grinning evilly at his father. He turned to look at the bleeding Harry who was breathless and leaning against the wall to keep himself upright. Lucius only saw the smirk widen (as painful as it was for Draco) but he missed the look of love and pity in his son's eyes.  
  
"Go on, Draco. Do what you want to him, he deserves it." Lucius coaxed.  
  
Draco seized Harry's shoulders, pulled him of the wall then slammed him back into it. Harry whimpered. Rough and uncaring, Draco shook the boy, making him slump back, almost off his feet to the floor. Somehow Draco kept the smirk firmly in place.  
  
"Don't be weak! Don't be pathetic, Potter."  
  
"Drrrra- Dra- Drac-o." Harry moaned through his shaking.  
  
"Don't beg for my mercy, Potter. I haven't even started making you feel fear. You fear Voldemort; well wait till you know the pain and terror I will give you." He shoved the boy away from the wall, and Harry staggered as Draco's angry hands left his tender shoulders. Harry fell hard against the floor and dully registered that more blood was streaming from his head. Draco looked to his father.  
  
"A little privacy?" his father suggested. Draco nodded, his eyes and smirk radiating hatred of Harry. The Death Eater pointed to a room and Draco nodded again, between obedience and content.  
  
Draco threw open a door and propelled Harry into the room. As Harry crashed to the ground, Draco slammed the door shut and fell to the floor. He crept to Harry's side, sobbing tragically, finally able to show his emotions.  
  
"Harry," he whispered, choking on the word. Harry faintly recognised the voice, the loving voice of the old Draco, the wonderful, precious, loving Draco.  
  
"Draco," he said loudly. Draco silenced him with his lips, bruising and cruel. Harry cried out in protest, as Draco had hoped. The Death Eaters needed to know Draco was hurting Harry, or they might disturb him.  
  
"Harry, stay quiet. oh I love you." Putting on a mad tone, he called out, "Oh, I love it when you fight me Potter." He dropped his voice again. "Harry, I'm going to get you out of here. I'll make this. ummm." he searched the room for a suitable object. His eyes fell upon a bookcase. He left Harry to seize a book. "Harry, I'm going to make this book a portkey for you. You take it, and it will take you to the hospital wing. I'll stay here." He shuddered.  
  
"No, come with me," Harry muttered quietly. Draco scooped Harry up in his arms and kissed his cheek hastily.  
  
"It would be suicide."  
  
"Dumbledore will protect you from your father." Draco looked at him in astonishment and realisation. "I'll make sure he does," Harry assured Draco, knowing now that Draco was back to normal, more or less.  
  
"Would he?" Draco asked, forgetting that he was three seconds from death if he was found in Harry's arms not in his body.  
  
"Yes," Harry panted. "Come with me, Draco. Coz you know I won't leave you behind. I wouldn't be able to." Draco wanted to say 'alright,' but found he couldn't. It would be like bowing to this good side, the side he had always fought unknowingly. It would be showing weakness. So he nodded, and even this pained him. He picked up the book again and pointed his wand at it.  
  
"Portus," he whispered. The book shook slightly in Draco's hand was surrounded by a curious blue glow. A few seconds of trembling and the book returned to its former state of stillness. "Harry, hold on to me," Draco requested, half for Harry's safety, half for his own shelter. Harry wrapped his arm around Draco, and put one hand on the book cover. Draco held it in his hand, the other resting on Harry's hip. "One, two, three."  
  
The familiar feeling of a hook behind his navel made Harry feel almost safe. Had he wanted to, Harry could not have taken his hand off the book, something he noted the second before he felt the ground dissipate beneath his body.  
  
Suddenly they were no longer on the warm rug in the Malfoy's house, but being dropped on the cold stone of the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. Harry released a huge sigh of relief. Draco pulled him close and his lips brushed the weak boy's soft neck. A gasp made them break apart.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy?! Mr. Potter?! What are you doing here?!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed, extremely concerned- or frightened. She saw the gash on Harry's head, and the blood still trickling from it, and gasped again. "Malfoy what have you done to him?" She breathed. Draco glared at her.  
  
"I just saved his life, 1st from Viktor Bloody Sodding Krum, then my good- for-nothing fucking father the Death Eaters. I have not done, and am not planning on doing, anything bad to your precious golden boy." Draco barely contain his anger as he spat the justification out cruelly, making the nurse recoil.  
  
"I just assumed-. You've always been enemies."  
  
"Quiet." The nurse was so taken aback by the command in his voice that she didn't dare tell him off for demanding things from her. "Heal his wounds now and ask dumb questions later. I'm going to get Dumbledore." Harry tried to raise himself off the ground. He made an odd noise in his throat. Draco knelt down to him and the injured, bleeding boy threw his arms around him with all his effort. "Harry, what's wrong?"  
  
"Don't leave me," Harry said pathetically.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. I have to get Dumbledore. It will be fine. You'll be fine. Be strong." The words were kind but scolding, telling Harry not to be so weak. Harry sobbed at him, but Draco just torn himself from the boys grip and turned to Mme Pomfrey. "Heal him and I'll be back soon with Dumbledore."  
  
He raced from the room, leaving a bemused and worried nurse to console the crying boy. 


	9. Back at Hogwarts

Before we begin, a few words to those who reviewed my story:  
  
Slightly-stupid: 'Pretty please with sugar and cherries'? How can I not update with a request like that?!  
  
Cece: Thanx, I'm so please ppl like it.  
  
iloveslsh17: Good luck with ur story! My advice is... make sure ur plot isn't the same as every other fic of the same pairings. Even if ur the best writer, that will irritate ppl. I'm *trying* 2 make my story original bcoz I get annoyed @ how every Draco is the same + every Harry is the same + it always sounds like the same plotline.  
  
Shadowsdancingdragon: u rule, + quite clearly u have great taste in authors. Y else would u b reading my fic? *winks* I'm glad ppl like my plot bcoz I did so much planning 4 this story. I really am putting my heart and soul into it. It's my little baby!!!  
  
Weasley Wonders: Ta! I was considering leaving u all hanging for a few days, but I will most likely update by tomorrow. I'm trying to keep this fic at a state of near perfection. Its not working is it? *sighs* well, I try @ least.  
  
Roz: Glad u like it.  
  
Flammy: The plan for the previous chapter was actually quite a bit more dramatic, but I found it really unbelievable. I guess J.K. has just a touch more talent than me. By a touch I mean that while I keep my talent in an ice-cream container, J.K.s talent would struggle to squash into the Pacific ocean! Or on to Jupiter.  
  
FriesWithThat: When I read ur review I swear there were tears in my eyes. It means so much 2 have ppl saying they love my story, that it affects them and means sumthing 2 them. I'm so glad I was the 1 who turned u 2 the path of DH! I was the same 1ce, but now I can't c Harry being with ne1 else.  
  
***  
  
Draco finally returned with a very apprehensive Dumbledore. The blonde immediately wrapped his arms around Harry, who was now sitting on one of the hospital beds. While Mme Pomfrey and Dumbledore watched on in shock, the boys' lips met in a tender, I'm-so-sorry kiss.  
  
Draco could taste fresh blood from Harry's cut lip. Remembering that Draco throwing him to the ground had caused the laceration, Harry cringed and broke away. The cuts on his face and his split-lip still stung, though they were healing fast. As much as he wanted to kiss Draco and hold him close, it hurt to do so. Draco cooed to him and checked him over, wincing at each cut.  
  
Barely able to tear their eyes off the lovers, the two teachers exchanged comments on the situation. Then Dumbledore went over to Harry and Draco.  
  
"Boys, I will need to see you in my office, if you please." They willingly obliged and Harry leant on Draco as they walked up to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore remained silent for the whole walk, listening to Draco still fusing over Harry, who was apparently just glad to be with Draco again. As they approached his office, Dumbledore's previous ideas about this relationship were confirmed- this was love. 'Obviously,' he thought as he gave the password (ice mice) to the gargoyle at his office entrance, 'they are each other's lifelines.'  
  
When all were seated, Harry opened his mouth, but shut it when he found Dumbledore was looking to Draco for an explanation. Draco began to speak hesitantly.  
  
"Harry and I... have been together... for a while now... I guess you knew that, I mean you know everything that goes on at this school." Dumbledore gave no indication as to whether he had been aware of the relationship, but Harry suspected he had. How could he not? This was the all-knowing Dumbledore!  
  
"Did you?" Harry demanded. Dumbledore gave him a look that said 'just be quiet.' It made Harry feel like a kid and he slumped back against the chair with an irritated huff. Draco continued, eying Dumbledore slightly suspiciously now.  
  
"We... we had a fight about... well it doesn't matter that much now... we had a fight and I got angry... we both got upset... it killed me to see tears in Harry's eyes. We haven't spoken for a few days." Draco gulped before resuming. "It's been hell. I hate myself for what I did, for making him cry." He turned his head to Harry. "I'm so sorry. I love you."  
  
"I know. I love you too, until the end of time."  
  
Dumbledore coughed and Draco looked up at him murderously. This old coot didn't know what he had been through!  
  
"Today, Harry walked out in the middle of potions. A few minutes later, I felt that he needed me," Draco said softly, not telling about his feelings of cuts opening on his unbroken skin. Maybe he would mention it to Dumbledore at a later date, but not in front of Harry.  
  
"I don't understand," Dumbledore said, politely perplexed.  
  
"You felt I needed you? Really?" Harry asked incredulously.  
  
"I don't know. I was just. just sitting at my desk and I suddenly thought 'Harry needs me'. I started running. I didn't know where I was going; I was just running like crazy deeper into the dungeons. I went into some room and I don't even know which one it was. Krum... that arsehole... he was standing over Harry... laughing."  
  
"Yes, we found him immobile in a room down in the dungeons only a few minutes ago. Please continue."  
  
"He was using some psychotic cutting spell to slowly kill Harry. I can still hear it in my head." He choked on his tears and paused for a moment, regaining his Malfoy composure.  
  
"I... I feel the same, Draco. I can't get those words... out of my head... Laceraro Turquere Mutilarum..." Harry said quietly. He tried to put his arm around Draco, but Draco pushed it away.  
  
"I'm fine. Just give me a minute."  
  
"Of course," Dumbledore said gently. Draco eventually calmed down enough to speak again. He looked at Harry, his eyes almost laughing, at least attempting to.  
  
"I should have killed him that night, remember. You told me he kissed you and I said I was going to kill him. I wish I had done, and then this wouldn't have happened." Harry shuddered, nodding, remembering the hatred of Krum that Draco had not given up since he had found out Harry's lips had been possessed by another against his will. Dumbledore coughed again to return Draco's attention to the tale. "I just cursed Krum and grabbed Harry. Then we were at my manor."  
  
"How?" Dumbledore asked curiously.  
  
"My father created a spell that can be cast from long distances to bring people to him, no matter where they are. Even at Hogwarts. It's very powerful."  
  
"What is this spell?" Dumbledore said coldly, his eyes flashing with anger.  
  
"Transporta Attrahere."  
  
Dumbledore got up.  
  
"I'll be back in a moment." He vanished. Draco slowly turned to Harry who was staring at him.  
  
"I'm so sor-," Harry started.  
  
"Don't you dare say that Harry! You have nothing to be sorry about. All this is my fault. I let my bloody pride getting in the way. *I* am sorry. I love you, even tho you might find that hard to believe now."  
  
"No! I believe you! I love you. Now and always." Harry got out of the seat and lowered himself to kiss Draco gently. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry as if he couldn't bear to let go and pulled him into his lap. Harry did not struggle, and eagerly kissed Draco, both off them relishing the passion they had missed over the last few days.  
  
When Dumbledore returned a few moments later, he sat down and smiled, not in the least perturbed by Harry's being on Draco's lap or their red lips.  
  
"On with the story if you please," he requested.  
  
"I was preparing myself to fight my father for Harry's life, and then he said some stuff, and I realised that he thought I was willing to rape Harry. He was suggesting it and encouraging me. So I pretended to be about to rape Harry. But I wouldn't ever do that. I love Harry; I couldn't force him into anything. I took Harry into a room and made a portkey back to the hospital."  
  
Dumbledore closed his eyes, and then opened them again, saying "Your father will be mad enough to kill you, Draco."  
  
"Yeah, but at least I saved Harry. His plan was for Harry to suffer the most terrible thing he could before he was killed- being raped by the person he loves most."  
  
"You will both be hunted by Voldemort now, and he won't rest till you are both killed. The Dark Lord does not take kindly to his plans being foiled, and nor does your father, Draco."  
  
"Do what ever you can to protect Harry. Don't waste time worrying about me. It's doesn't matter if I die."  
  
"What?" Harry almost yelped. "Don't say that, Draco! How can you think that?" Harry stared at him. "I want you safe."  
  
"So?"  
  
"SO?" Harry shouted unbelievingly. "SO?"  
  
"Harry, you don't understand. As long as you're safe, I don't matter. I want you safe, and the whole wizarding world needs you safe. My life means nothing. My father will kill me anyway, so why try to prolong it?"  
  
"Draco! You're crazy," Harry said desperately.  
  
"I just don't want you hurt, Harry. You have no choice."  
  
"If I did have a choice, I'd choose your life over mine, easily."  
  
"Well that's selfish."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Selfish. You're being selfish."  
  
"By saying I would die to see you live, I'm being selfish?"  
  
"Yes. By saying you would rather I live a little longer than the whole world stays safe, you are being selfish."  
  
Harry pondered this, incredulous. When he opened his mouth to oppose this, Dumbledore spoke first.  
  
"You will both remain at Hogwarts in the room next to the staffroom. Over the holidays too. The Dursley's... alas even the Dursley's is too dangerous for you now Harry. And we can hardly send you, Draco, back to your father's house."  
  
"A... a private room?" Harry asked tentatively. Dumbledore smiled.  
  
"Yes. Is this a problem?" For a moment, Harry went over the question. A private room. Maybe the same bed? Just to sleep in, nothing more. He saw that Draco was looking suddenly ecstatic. A few days ago, he might have felt the same, but now. he wasn't so sure. However, to say that it was a problem might kill Draco there on the spot.  
  
"No," he said softly. "No, not at all."  
  
***  
  
REVIEW, PLEASE! 


	10. Doubt vs Certainty

It lasted two days. Harry couldn't believe how wonderful it was. But it only lasted two days before Harry snapped. Sharing a room- sharing a bed, no less- with Draco was amazing. Lying close to him, knowing Draco was all his. The first night, the night after Dumbledore's offer, they agreed to just lie together, close and warm. Harry could tell Draco enjoyed it, but wanted more. He had expected Draco to suggest they do more tonight, but he didn't. He just slipped into bed next to Harry and fell asleep in his arms.  
  
The same event can be experienced in many different ways. Depending on what role or part played, a person might get a positive experience while someone else gets a negative experience. One person may come off for the better; another who was involved in the same thing, only from another standpoint comes off for the worst.  
  
This was the case for Draco and Harry after Harry was almost claimed by death. Having Harry almost stolen from him, Draco realised how desperately he loved the boy. Almost losing his own life, Harry realised he would never be able to defeat Voldemort. He was going down, and that meant the whole wizarding world was too. He wasn't planning to take Draco from the world of the living.  
  
Suddenly Draco had found a new satisfaction in Harry's kiss- really a satisfaction in his presence, his existence. He realised sex doesn't matter; only having Harry by his side did. He was happy with however little Harry was willing to give. As long as they were together, Draco had no qualms.  
  
Harry, on the other hand, had realised how much Draco was willing to do for him, and it worried him. He didn't want to be responsible for Draco giving his life for someone else's. Particularly if it would be for Harry, when it was clear he was going to die at Voldemort's wand sometimes soon. Harry had no doubts about Draco's feelings, or his own. This was love, as pure as summer rain. But it was more important that Draco had life than that he had love.  
  
Then again, Draco seemed to just want sex up until now. Maybe this was all he was interested in. Maybe, by pretending it doesn't matter to him, Draco was allowing him to enforce it. That way Harry would think it was his idea. Not to mention that if Harry didn't love Draco enough to have sex with him, maybe he didn't really love Draco. Maybe Draco loved him more than he loved Draco, so he was being unfair.  
  
It was too hard. This was too much. It was time to let go.  
  
***  
  
Shaking with terror, Harry walked into his and Draco's private chamber. He entered their bedroom, knowing Draco would be waiting for him, as always seemed the case. Draco waiting, Harry unwilling. Hollow breath filled him, not filling the emptiness of soul.  
  
Draco was standing, head lowered in the middle of the almost completely dark room but for a streak of light pouring out of the window onto the floor, lighting the pathetic-looking blondes body. Harry felt nothing for the darkness, and he went to light the fireplace. Draco snuffled miserably.  
  
"No. Please, let me keep the darkness. Let me keep something. I know Harry. I know what's about to happen. I know what you are about to do to me."  
  
"Draco, you wrote a song before we got together. You told me about it after we kissed, and even sung some to me. 'Love Don't Last for Long'. We agreed then that our love would last. But we did not know what love was then. That was so long ago, it seems like it."  
  
A chillingly beautiful voice filled the room. It was a sarcastically cheerful tune, light and carefree with depressing lyrics. Draco was singing the first verse of Love Don't Last That Long.  
  
"Love don't last for long,  
  
Soon things will go wrong.  
  
For just a while things seem,  
  
Like a perfect fairytale dream.  
  
But you know that soon,  
  
You must farewell the moon.  
  
Say goodbye to your heart,  
  
Coz love will tear you apart."  
  
By now, tears were coursing down Harry's face. Tears falling because the song was true. Tears falling because those words were so right. Tears falling because that voice was so beautiful. It stirred his mind, dragging long passed moments of love back to the surface.  
  
"Draco," Harry choked. "I love you so much. But I can't do this anymore, Draco. We aren't meant to be. I don't know how I can live without you, but I do know that as much as I care about you. I cant live with you either." Overcome, Harry hunched over, the tears killing him with pain so strong it made Draco's embrace seem comforting again. "It was bound to happen. We wouldn't have lasted, no matter what." Harry sighed his words, and they were mangled by sobs.  
  
Draco made no reply, no sound at all. Harry knew that Draco was acting strong, that inside him the beautiful boy was screaming, weeping, dying. His upbringing, his entire world would be calling to him, telling him not to let on that he was hurt. However, Harry felt that pain Draco must have been feeling eroding at his sanity, making him go crazy.  
  
"Just remember that even though we are finished, I will always, always, always, always and forever love you Draco. Never forget that I love you."  
  
Harry had half expected Draco would plead with him, or at least say he loved Harry too. But the blonde made no attempt to speak. Once again, Harry knew it was Draco self-protecting nature that silenced him. With that, Harry knew there was nothing left to say. He couldn't bear to be in that room anymore, ever again. A multitude of memories were flared as he surveyed the room one last time, as his eyes leapt across Draco's body. In his head, a promise rang potent and flowed into his blood. Never forget.  
  
He turned, threw open the door and ran, hearing it clatter shut behind him.  
  
Draco felt tears gathering in his eyes. One slid down his face. He wiped it away. Another followed it. He wiped that one away. Another, then another, then another rolled casually down his skin. He wiped them away, spreading their saltiness across his face. That's saltiness reminded him of Harry's tears. Some of them, most of them, had been Draco's fault.  
  
Draco pondered what the FUCK he had been doing for the whole relationship, now ex-relationship. Pushing Harry to have sex with him. Pushing the subject, asking when and why not. How could he have done that to Harry? He loved Harry. Now that he had realised how much Harry meant to him, Harry had broken it off.  
  
Draco was furious. Not with Harry. With himself. How could he not have seen this coming? All he ever did was bring up the subject of sex. It had been clear that Harry was still too naïve to even think about it. He had been scared and he had told Draco so. Draco had kept at him, ushering him onward. If only he had just shut up and let Harry do what he wanted to, instead of driving him on before he was ready. He hated himself. He really wanted to hurt himself. Harry deserved better than him.  
  
In an instance, Draco went from feeling sad and wistful to depressed and hateful. He just wanted to hurt himself for what he had done to Harry. Nothing could ever make him believe he could repair his own broken heart. He had caused its injuries, so it would stay like that until the day he died. A broken heart was what he would endure because Harry too had a broken heart. A broken heart was what Draco deserved.  
  
***  
  
Harry collapsed on his old bed in the Gryffindor dorms, sobbing. 'Like a little girl,' Draco would have said, 'Like a pathetic, cry-baby little girly girl.' Harry's tears stopped abruptly. He sat up violently. Just to hear Draco say that, or even to hear him yell insults at him would be wonderful. That's all I want. Draco. I want Draco back. I'm an idiot for letting him go.  
  
He stood to go back to their room, and realised that Draco would not have stayed there. He would have left. To where? Only one thing for it. Harry produced the Marauders Map from his trunk and unravelled it on his bed. Quietly he recited, 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'. To his surprise, after scouring the map for a moment, he realised Draco was by the lake, stationary, doing nothing, it seemed. Harry threw the map down on his bed, not bothering to clear it, and began walking quickly down to the grounds.  
  
It had been a mistake to think he could live without Draco. Such a stupid mistake. He hoped it wouldn't cost him too dearly. 


	11. Forever is a long time

I am sooooo nervous. Please read this chapter and tell me what you think. I am so unbelievably nervous! I hope to god you like it, so that I know my hard work seems worth it.  
  
***  
  
Chrissy430: I know my fanfics is sad, but, well, that is how I write. I feed off misery. I will *try* to keep it fairly happy. Nevertheless, it might not work.  
  
Roz: Yeah, yeah, I will update soon. But remember, you cannot rush art! *smirks* If I want to torture u I will.  
  
Bug-chan: If I want to make u cry, goddamn it, I will. Draco *is* an idiot for leaving Harry when they are both in love, but hey, who am I to stop him? Oh wait, I'm the author! Draco is not insane; he does not hear voices. He is just in a bit of a pickle so he is coping with it the way he wants to. I really got screwed up with that damn accent of Krum's. *breaks down into a hysterical crying fit* I HAVE FAILED YOU, BUG-CHAN! The deal with Draco feeling Harry's cuts opening on him is that he loves him so much that they have this amazing connection. In the muggle world, lots of lovers have small psychic ability with each other. I assume in the magic world that connection would be very enhanced. I was just trying to show how amazingly in love Draco and Harry are. Glad you liked the song.  
  
Elfwiththebrows: The most interesting HD slash that you've ever read? O. *sniffles*. That's so sweet.  
  
Flammy: Both Harry and Draco are just all over the place at the moment. Harry wanted Draco back straight after becoz he loves him. He can't live without him, and doesn't see that until he is without him. You get it? Don't worry, me neither.  
  
Shadowsdancingdragon: yeah, it doesn't seem right to just have a couple break up and not explain why. And these two are sooooo in love, so Harry's not gonna break it off on a whim. He's going to give it heaps of thought. So, that's what he did. I read your review for chapter 5 and I take it you don't think much of Krum/Snape slash? All I have to say is: hahahaha!  
  
Duchesscarml: Damnation! No one was supposed to guess that! Well done though.  
  
Beth: No, I will not!  
  
Icklechuck: Thanks. *grins sheepishly*  
  
Hayley Potter: I totally agree! Harry and Draco just belong together! I hate Krum/Hermione too.  
  
Weasley Wonders: A happy ending? Hmmm. I hadn't even considered that. I'll think about it.  
  
***  
  
Draco was comfortable here, leaning on the oak by the lake, watching the ripples set off by the wind's incessant licking of the water's surface. Strange, he thought, how he could feel so normal when he knew this was the end. The edges of a piece of parchment fluttered under a rock by Draco's side.  
  
His hand chewed on his wand, turning it over constantly. It was smooth, under equally smooth skin. He held one of his hands up to admire the back- the softness of the skin, the flawlessness of his nails, the glowing cleanness. 'As vain as ever,' he thought with a chuckle. He turned it around to look at his palm and lowered it at the sight of faded scars on his wrist.  
  
Harry had loved his hands. Harry had loved him. Not anymore. He had driven him away.  
  
Funny how no matter what he thought about, some how it would eventually relate back to Harry. There were few subjects Draco could think of that didn't have some memory of Harry attached to them. Draco had known nothing but Harry for the last two months, so all the important events had occurred at Harry's side. Harry Obsessed, that's what he was. He suffered from Harryitis. Not for long, though. Soon it would be over; soon he could be free from the memory of Harry.  
  
His eagle owl, Capone, floated down to him from the branches of the oak. He calmly extended his arm and the bird complied, landing softly on the Slytherin's arm. Draco set him to the ground, took the rock off the parchment and attached the letter to his owl's leg.  
  
"Take this to Harry, Capone. Wait outside his window. Don't give it to him before he's alone back in his dorm." Capone hooted serenely and took flight; noiselessly sweeping though the sky, unaware that the letter he carried would become Harry Potter's most precious possession.  
  
***  
  
Harry sped through the corridors, going quick, sensing some reason to panic. Thoughts of his madness scampered through his head. How could he have even considered leaving Draco, not having his love for the rest of his life? Insanity! Less than half an hour and he had already fallen apart. He hoped hysterically that Draco hadn't lost it as he had.  
  
Harry raced past a window that a group guffawing Slytherins were staring out of. Drawn in, he swerved back to see what they were laughing at. Down by the lake, a hunched up figure with beautiful blonde hair was wading into the water. Perhaps because he knew Draco better, Harry yelped in fear while the Slytherins kept laughing. Under his breath, he whispered 'no!' However, Draco was still walking out further. He got to about waist deep and stopped. Calmly, he raised the wand to point at his own chest.  
  
***  
  
Draco paused, not out of a lack of certainty that he wanted this to happen, out of consideration for others. Once more, he checked that no one was around. He did not want anyone to witness his death. In his life, he had hurt many people, shamelessly, but he was not used to being hurt. As mean as he had been throughout his life, he did not want to be responsible for someone's nightmares of the lonely Slytherin's death. For once in his life, he would think of someone other than himself or Harry. For once.  
  
If he had known Harry was watching, he would have stopped right then.  
  
***  
  
Harry couldn't watch this without knowing what was about to happen. His mind blanked and he lost all logic. The only thing he could think of was getting to Draco. He ran on, to the next window and the next. Draco was still standing there, looking around, speaking to himself. Harry had only reached the end of the hallway, and arrived at the last window of the corridor when it happened. Harry swore the Slytherin closed his eyes in the moment before he shouted something Harry could only guess, or assume- Avada Kedavra.  
  
A large green flash met Harry's tear-filled eyes. Draco fell forward, face down into the water. Reacting a moment later delayed by the shock, Harry screamed 'NOOOO!' at the top of his lungs. Totally without instruction from him, Harry's legs carried him through the castle. He raced past people, smashing into some, shoving them out of the way, ignoring concerned calls and horrible jeers. As he ran, worried and curious people began to follow him.  
  
He ran from the castle down to the bank of the lake. Plunging into the water, tears gushed from his eyes, his face contorted with the torture of witnessing the death of his love. His sobs were harsh and cruel enough to choke him and his throat was painfully dry. Roughly, yet tenderly, he clutched Draco's shoulders and flipped him over. There was a faint smile on Draco's face, so peaceful. Still sobbing, Harry dragged him out of the water, onto the damp earth beside the oak tree.  
  
Ignoring the gathering crowd, Harry leant over the boy he loved, the boy he wanted to be with more than anything else in the world. His hands wrapped around Draco's slim form and tears trickled down onto the Slytherins face. He was pressing himself against the cold body, wishing to feel it warm suddenly beneath him, wishing Draco would smile and sit up and tell Harry not to cry because it's so childish.  
  
"Draco. Oh, my Draco. I love you, forever," Harry whispered heart- wrenchingly. A few people heard it, and they repeated it in low whispers for those who hadn't heard. Suddenly, Dumbledore was beside Harry. He watched the boy's tears for a moment, and then put a hand on his shoulder. Harry shuddered; not wanting to be touched ever again for fear of losing what was left of the Harry Potter that Draco had loved.  
  
"Let go of him, Harry. Let them take him away. Let him keep his dignity, his darkness."  
  
Harry nodded, and a moment later complied, tears still running strong down his raw face. Dumbledore conjured a stretcher and Draco's body sprang onto it. Harry put his hands over his face. Just as Dumbledore instructed the stretcher to move towards the school, Harry let out a sorrowful exclamation.  
  
Dumbledore halted, as did the stretcher and Harry's head snapped up. He ran up beside the stretcher and surveyed Draco's face, which was abnormally pale, even for Draco. Thankfully, Dumbledore allowed him just a moment longer to say goodbye. Harry leant over him, that dead, lifeless body, and entwined his fingers around Draco's cold hand. Scared but desperate to taste Draco one more time, Harry pressed his lips to the blonde's warmthless forehead. The essence of Draco was still there, lingering for Harry to breath in one more time, if slightly mixed with the smell of lake water.  
  
Dumbledore began shuffling forward, tears gathering in his eyes, and allowed Harry to walk beside the stretcher, with silent tears still forcing their way down his skin, and his hand still wrapped around Draco's. They passed people, who were staring, shocked and flabbergasted. Dean and Seamus were walking after them, crying icy tears for Harry's sorrow, arms draped over each other's shoulders, thinking of what would happen if they were torn apart like Harry and Draco. Ron and Hermione were walking briskly along behind them too, both looking utterly perplexed and horrified.  
  
Harry knew and didn't care that this would take a lot of explaining later, to all of Hogwarts as well as Ron and Hermione. He didn't know if telling his friends or telling everyone else would be scarier. He didn't care. He just wanted Draco back.  
  
***  
  
Well, its almost ova. Please review and tell me what you think, I would love to know. Yell and scream at me if you do not like what I have done, or let me know how you liked it. I really want to know, 'cause your reviews mean a lot to me. 


	12. Reactions

Adarial ciao: No, don't cry. It will all be okay soon. Ok, no it won't. I'm going to try making you all cry even more! *evil cackle*  
  
Beth: Can I ask if this is Beth, as in Beth I know personally in person? Just asking. I know, poor Harry. Never mind Draco, who is so lost without Harry that he fuking KILLED HIMSELF!!! Poor Draco, if you ask me. Screw Harry (I know Draco would have liked to!).  
  
Bug-chan: *picks Bug-chan off the floor and wipes away her tears* Don't worry; just go read some cutesy fluff.  
  
DracoMalf0y: Hmmm... yes, yes I am a horrible person. I don't deny it.  
  
Duchesscarml: Yes, I killed him. What are you going to do? Hit me? Go on, I deserve it. You cried? That's good. I hope you mean that, becoz it means so much that people were moved by my writing. Am I going to give you a miracle? Just keep reading, but don't get your hopes up.  
  
FallenAngel664: Don't say that ur crying unless it's true. I think that telling someone that their words made you cry is the biggest complement ever, so don't say it unless its true.  
  
Flammy: I don't believe that so many people cried. I really don't. I think you're all lying and exaggerating and it hurts becoz I want the truth from you, my reviewers.  
  
Harry Malfoy: I'm glad to hear that. I love making people cry. JJ  
  
Hayley Potter: How could I kill him? Well, it was surprisingly hard. I didn't want to do it. It was just that I had to stick to my plan. I can't make any promises yet, but I am considering a sequel.  
  
Heather68: Thanks.  
  
iloveslsh17: Clearly I am writing more, and, well, read to find out.  
  
Justxme: Thanx. I know it's dramatic, but do you think I'm going over the top? Your right, life is not fair.  
  
Kana-chan: Hey, don't worry; I have no idea where I'm going either!  
  
Kimmy15: Yes! I killed him! He's gone! I hadn't thought of the fact that Harry's a virgin, so someone else will be his first. A good point. I'll have to think about it lots.  
  
Liz: Yeah, I know that there was a serious deficiency in sex in this fic, but there is method in my madness. I want my first fic to be fairly lovey- dovey, cutsy-angsty, rather than sex-sex-sex. However, I will try to put up a raunchier fic next.  
  
Maggie: Believe it, coz he's dead.  
  
Manisha: Only close to tears? I have failed!!! You're supposed to be crying uncontrollably.  
  
Nolaluvzlegolas: No I will not promise to bring him back. Yes I've heard of resurrection, thanks for the suggestion. I'll think about it.  
  
Scottish Gurl: I guess I am insane. What are you going to do? Hurt me? Go for it. Do you really think I'm as evil as Draco? I agree.  
  
Shadowsdancingdragon: Me? An evil child? What *are* you talking about? I'm not killing Harry becoz a) everyone does that and b) Harry doesn't give up hope. I am never going to hear the end of the whole Krum/Snape thing, am I?  
  
Slightly-stupid: I agree that it was cruel, but it was touching too, right? I tried to make it sweet and heartbreaking. Did I succeed?  
  
SunGoddess1: Thanks!  
  
Sunshine Love: Another person who cried. GO ME!!!  
  
Weasley Wonders: You almost cried? Damn, I'll have to try harder next time. Thanx.  
  
***  
  
Harry gave the password and the portrait hole swung open. As he came thru and the Gryffindor common room was revealed, the room fell silent. Hermione heard the sudden hush and spun around, eyes wild.  
  
Harry had spent the last few hours with Dumbledore and the Malfoy's, who had come to take their sons body. Though it seemed to pain them very much to be civil, Draco's parents were calm, polite and accepting of the boys' past relationship. Harry was told he would be invited to the funeral, and he accepted, on the condition that he could bring two friends.  
  
After the Malfoy's left, promising to send a letter to Harry with information about the funeral, he spoke to Dumbledore for a while, then walked slowly back to the common room, unwilling to face the questions he knew he would be receiving. Just before he gave the password to open the portrait hole, he wiped his tears away on his sleeve.  
  
"Harry?! Oh Merlin! Harry! What happened?" She seemed hysterically torn between anger (for Harry keeping not discussing the relationship with her), happiness (that Harry was back) and sadness (that Harry had loved someone and lost them).  
  
Harry peered testily around the room, giving onlookers a cold stare that made them turn away.  
  
"I'm gay," he shrugged.  
  
"I know that. Remember, when we caught Krum and Snape I told you that I know."  
  
"Yeah." It took a little more effort to get this one out, but Harry was determined not to break down and cry with other people around. 'When you're alone,' he promised himself, 'then you can cry all you like.'  
  
"I figured it out myself. But I had to convince Ron though. That idiot just wouldn't believe it."  
  
Harry peeked over Hermione's shoulder to see Ron slinking away. He sprang after him.  
  
"Ron?"  
  
"Hi Harry."  
  
"Sorry I didn't tell you. I thought you'd freak and shun me."  
  
"I'm not saying I agree, but I don't really disapprove. I heard what you said to Draco."  
  
"About loving him?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And you'll still talk to me?"  
  
"Yeah. I guess so. As long as you. you know, don't try anything on me."  
  
"Why would I? Ur my friend, I'm not interested in you."  
  
"I don't know, just don't, ok?"  
  
"Ok. I wasn't actually planning to." There was an awkward pause. "Ron?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry if I. disappointed you or anything."  
  
"Hey, it's your life. I'm not disappointed, only shocked. It's just going to take me a while to get my head around it. Don't expect things to automatically go back to how they were before. Not immediately anyway."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Hermione came up behind Harry.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Wanna talk to me about it?"  
  
"Not much to say, really. I'm gay. I broke up with Draco because I had no faith in the relationship. He got depressed and killed himself.  
  
"I remember what you said when we talked about love. And what you said by the lake. You loved him."  
  
"I love him. He's dead, not gone."  
  
Hermione pursed her lips, and waited till the temptation to retort angrily had subsided.  
  
"Did he love you?"  
  
"He killed himself coz we broke up! What do you think? What does that tell you?" Harry demanded, unable to believe how stupid Hermione was being.  
  
"Sorry. I wasn't thinking." Hermione said, head lowered. Harry sighed, frustrated with himself.  
  
"'S ok. Sorry for getting angry."  
  
"I understand that you're not in a particularly good mood right now, but maybe you should get it off your chest now, instead of waiting."  
  
"I don't want to get it off my chest. I don't want to let go of it. It's all Draco, the sadness, the love, everything. I want to keep it with me so I always have Draco with me. I want to keep it inside me."  
  
"Of course you do. But that's not the way to deal with this. You're only hurting yourself more."  
  
"That doesn't matter anymore."  
  
"It won't do any good, hurting yourself. That won't bring him back."  
  
"Why did he do it? Why did he leave me?"  
  
"I don't know. You left him and he didn't want to live without you. Maybe. I don't know how suicidal minds work, Harry. I think their amazing, but lunatics."  
  
"Amazing lunatics?"  
  
"Amazingly strong and passionate, but completely off track on how to cope. These people have tragedy in their life, and when it gets too much, they go for the trap door, the escape. No matter what it costs them, they have to get out."  
  
"How does that make them strong? I thought it would mean they are weak? They can't handle stuff, so they give in."  
  
"Think about it Harry. They have so much pain in their hearts that they take what is, in their minds, the only option. Though it means leaving everything they've ever known for everything they don't know, they take it. The cost of escaping from pain is death."  
  
"So they have to be strong enough to face death?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do you think you could do it, Hermione?"  
  
"Me? No. I have so much to live for. Everyone does, even if they can't see it." She paused, wringing her hands. "Besides. I'm not strong enough."  
  
"Not strong enough to give in to the pain?"  
  
"Yeah. I couldn't deal with that much pain. I mean, dying is scary enough, without knowing it's coming and willingly submitting yourself to it and. and asking it to claim you."  
  
Harry looked away from her, tears in his eyes.  
  
"I miss him, Hermione. And I'm never gonna get him back."  
  
"You'll see him again one day, Harry."  
  
Harry nodded, and the tears overflowed. Hermione blinked back her tears for Harry's sake and embraced him comfortingly. 


	13. A Letter

Before I start this, the final chapter of Draky, I would like to dedicate it to the people who gave me the strength to hold on when it seemed that ending the pain was my only option. Hilary, Rachel, Kim, Katrina and Laura. Although there were others who tried to help me, it was you five who really made me strong enough to hold on. For that, I am eternally grateful. You truly define what it is to be a friend.  
  
***  
  
FallenAngel664: You swear you cried in chapter 11? I believe you then. Sort of. Nah, if u say so, I believe u.  
  
Justxme: Cool! Thanx.  
  
Kimmy15: I don't *have* to bring him back. This story is about love and lose, not miracles-occurring-to-make-everything-perfect-again-becoz-its- just-too-sad-to-handle. The fact is that generally your first love is not going to last forever. You're going to lose them, one way or another. Unfortunately for Harry, he lost Draco in a seriously bad way.  
  
Flammy: What's wrong with me? Well, I'd tell u but I can't spell it. Thank you for admitting that you didn't really cry, because I want to know how I truly affected people with my writing. Close to tears is still a good effort from me, I think. Thanx again.  
  
Hayley Potter: I am thinking about a sequel, but I highly doubt Draco will come back. I want this story to relate to real life as much as possible, and in our world, the dead are dead for good.  
  
Bug-chan: I'm using Hermione to voice my opinions a lot. Is it annoying? Sorry is was all dialogue, but I was thinking that Harry would be feeling pretty empty and emotionless. I wanted it to seem like he was working out his feelings as he spoke. Sorry about Ron, but I don't think he's the kind of person who just goes 'my best friends gay, I'm cool with that' and everything goes back to normal. And he *is* pretty tactless anyway. And he didn't really understand what Harry felt about Draco.  
  
Beth: I know what you mean about some people not understanding us, why we love this stuff so much. They don't know what they're missing out on.  
  
Chi7890: I'm so glad people like this fic so much. I enjoy having the characters sad too. There's something so beautiful about sorrow. I'm really sadistic, aren't I? I'm seriously considering a sequel. With even more angst!  
  
Brie: I'm glad some people understand that I write this way because life isn't perfect and there are really sad times to be weathered. It's not like in fairytales, always with a happy ending. Do you know that the first thing I wrote for this story was the suicide chapter? And even though I edited it like a maniac, I still kept the same emotions there, the same ideas. That chapter was the hardest to put up of all of them, because it was really quite personal and I put so much into it.  
  
***  
  
That night, in the great hall, the usually coloured banners of the houses were black with silver trimmings. Harry never knew that, because he refused to leave his dorm, and his friends in turn refused to leave him alone. For the first few hours after witnessing Draco's death, Harry had been angry. Angry with Draco, with himself, with life and all the people still enjoying it.  
  
Then, as he got ready for sleep, tears materialized in his eyes. He cried until, somewhere in a moment of lulled tears, he managed to fall asleep. His waking thought was of Draco, and his next thought was remembering that he would never be greeted by the mystical blonde's rarely surfacing smile. Harry let anger fall away to be replaced with sorrow and sadness. All day, Harry cried in the dorms, always in the company of one, if not many, of his friends. He didn't have the heart to tell them that he just wanted to be alone.  
  
When Blaise Zambini had come to the Gryffindor Common Room in search of him, Harry saw that Blaise was surprisingly upset and that he had been crying. Obviously, he had been closer to Draco than perhaps even Draco knew. Hoping he would not react too badly, Harry had told him what had been going on for the last two months before Blaise could tell him he already knew.  
  
"For the last 8 weeks, Draco and I have discovered that we don't hate each other like we thought. We love each other. I love him; I still do though he is..... I always will love him. I don't know if Draco would have wanted you to know, but I think I have to tell you. I guess its better that I tell people, because I think the whole wizarding world will know by tomorrow.  
  
"I'm sorry to do this to you; I'm sorry I am the reason Draco is gone. But please know that while I am to blame for Draco ki- Draco kill- killing-. Blaise, I am the reason you lost your friend, but I love him and I wouldn't hurt him. When we broke up, I thought it was for the best. But it wasn't, and I never should have even thought of leaving his side. I regret it more than anyone will ever realise and I just... I just don't think I can live with myself for hurting him so much that he... that he did this. I'm so sorry and I don't blame you if you never forgive me, because I won't ever forgive myself."  
  
All through this, Harry was crying relentlessly. At one point, Hermione, who was watching over the tearful conversation, offered to get Snape to make a tear controller potion. Harry declined, saying he wanted these tears to fall in memory of Draco. Draco deserved that. At these words, Blaise closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Harry saw they were distinctly troubled. Harry looked at the patterns of the carpet, reluctant to see those eyes mist over with tears.  
  
"Harry, I knew about you and Draco. He told me." Harry looked up in shock, his tears ceasing for a moment. "He loved you too, Harry. He really truly did love you. That's all I know for sure; it's the only thing I'm certain of. I could tell straight away that his love for you was exceptionally powerful. He loved you; plain and simple, no complications or conditions. And he still does."  
  
Harry's lips trembled and he buried his face in his hands. Blaise came over to him and draped his arm around Harry. As though he and Harry were the closest of friends, Blaise pulled Harry to his chest, holding him lightly. As Harry sobbed into Blaise's shoulder, his whole body quaking, Blaise felt oddly privileged to be the one to assure Harry of Draco's love.  
  
***  
  
When Blaise left, a storm of Gryffindors entered his dorm. Harry listened to them all talking, almost gossiping it seemed, about Draco. No one knew the whole story; even Hermione and Ron hadn't been completely filled in. Hardly anyone seemed to realise that Harry was grieving for his true love, for someone who would forever have his love. They seemed to think it was just that his boyfriend had died; that Harry was sad but he'd eventually get over it and move on from it.  
  
Of all of them, Seamus and Dean were the best, because they left Harry right alone. Hermione mothered him terribly with hugs and words of encouragement that made him feel worse and worse. Ron talked aimlessly about everything except what had happened, his heart denying that anything strange or sad had occurred. Finally Harry got so fed up he could almost scream. Instead, he simply called for silence and spoke quietly, trying to get his message across.  
  
"What's wrong with you all? Why won't you leave me alone to grieve? I don't want your comfort. I just want to be alone so I can cry. Just leave, all of you."  
  
There was total silence for a moment as Harry hid his face, fighting tears. Then everyone dropped their shocked expressions and walked out the door with their heads hanging. Harry didn't feel bad about it until Dean, the last person to leave, closed the door with a sympathetic look. Now ashamed, Harry slumped down on his bed and wiped a few tears away.  
  
He heard a rapping noise and, thinking it was coming from the door, he ignored it. Then he realised it was coming from the window. Capone, Draco's elegant eagle owl, was knocking his beak against the glass commandingly. Harry was confused, and his eyes filled with tears. A letter from someone who's dead? It made no sense. Perhaps it was a hallucination? He got up slowly and opened the window.  
  
"Hey Capone. What are you doing here?"  
  
The feeling of sharp talons pressing lightly on the flesh of his arm told him this was no dream or imaginary figure. He removed the letter and Capone took off with what sounded like a sympathetic cry. On the outside of the letter, in shimmery blue ink, was a short message. 'Harry, only open this letter if you truly love me still. If you don't, burn it straight away.'  
  
Of course, Harry ripped the parchment open. His breathing grew shallow in anticipation. The words in this letter were the last words Draco ever gave to Harry. This letter was the last thing Draco ever wrote. To Harry, this letter was worth more to him than his own life.  
  
'I love you, but I always knew, Soon I'd farewell the world and you. I will not ask you not to weep, Or picture me before you sleep.  
  
'I think I know you well enough, To know you'll be weak but act tough. Inside your mind your spirit fades, But others will see your stronger shades.  
  
'Don't you hold yourself to be blamed, Don't think that you should be ashamed. I've known this day would come so long, Nothing could right what was wrong.  
  
'What we had was love, worth the fight, I cried myself to sleep most nights, Knowing that soon our days would end, I'd lose my love, my true godsend.  
  
'I always hoped my destiny, Would include someone loving me. You alone were the one who dared, To tell me that you truly cared.  
  
'I loved you then, I love you still, I love you now, I always will.  
  
'Harry, my love, please never forget about me. At the same time, please don't lock your heart away. Let people love you, and let yourself love others. You deserve love, and though you'll always have mine, don't block out new love. I'll be watching over you, slightly jealous as you kiss someone new, but fantastically overjoyed that you're happy. That's all I ever wanted, for you to live, to love and be happy.  
  
'Be strong and succeed against the Dark Lord, and rid the world of him. I believe in you, and I know you can do it. Don't despair, just fight and fight until you win. You'll always have my loyalty, my love, my protection, my belief that you will win. You can always count on me to be there for you in spirit, even and especially in your darkest hours.  
  
'Unfortunately, the only words that can say what I feel for you have been said so often by so many that they are losing their meaning, their passion. But since I can think of no other way of expressing this incredible addiction I have of you, I will use them anyway. I love you.'  
  
Sobbing, Harry held the letter to his chest and looked out the window. With whispered words entangled with adoration, torture and sorrow, he vowed to feel the passion of their love forever. He swore the ultimate promise: the promise of deathless, everlasting, perpetual love.  
  
"Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always, I love you Draky."  
  
***  
  
Thanks for reading Draky, and I hope you enjoyed it. If I once brought a tear to your eye, or made you laugh a single time, or in anyway moved you for the smallest moment, then I consider Draky a worthwhile waste of time. 


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